PASTOR JEGEDE looks like he doesn’t want to concede this point; also these questions are disturbing his service, which, in a parallel reality, is happening throughout.

Auntie P, isn’t St Paul the one who said

AUNTIE P

Better to be married than burn up dead!

ALVITA

But in your church, the one on Willesden Lane

We hear church music again, and see AUNTIE P and her SONS praying in the pub, with PASTOR JEGEDE leading the prayers.

The old Bingo place, you go fill your brain

With judgement. Pastor chatting all that breeze:

PASTOR JEGEDE

… Wicked Lamech, whose sin was bigamy …

ALVITA

How come Jacob and Abraham marry

Again? And I’m sure Pastor put a ring

On it a few times in Nigeria …

AUNTIE P

All I know is that the Lord God him nuh

Like looseness. Him defend de marriage bond.

ALVITA

Yeah, but Auntie, the thing is, that’s just wrong?

Where do you think you read that? The Good Book?

You can’t show it to me. S’not there. I’ve looked.

AUNTIE P

Me know him defended virginity.

ALVITA

Now hol’ up, hol’ up, my dear Auntie P:

Thing is: I can read just like you can read,

And I’m telling you no. It’s true Paul said

He didn’t want us having sex for fun –

But it weren’t like: COMMANDMENT NUMBER ONE.

Auntie, what you call laws I call advice!

A guideline. And they all sound very nice,

But everyone got to make their own choice

In life. And if God in his big God voice

Was like:

GOD

Everyone. Asexual. NOW.

ALVITA

It wouldn’t make no sense. Because then how’s

He expecting to make more pure virgins

When there’s nobody to give birth to them?

Please. At least St Paul wasn’t all about

Cancelling things God himself hadn’t called out!

PASTOR JEGEDE

We aim for chastity. This is the prize.

The contest is to be pure in God’s eyes.

KELLY, Alvita’s very nerdy, shy and put-upon niece, dares to raise her voice:

KELLY

But that’s not, like, meant for … well, like, maybe –

ALVITA

Yes, girl – g’wan – Say it! (That’s my niece, Kelly.)

KELLY

Maybe that’s not meant for everybody?

Like, Mum, maybe God makes some people true

Saints, yeah? But with some he’s like: s’up to you …

Like, I totally get Jesus was pure

And he was into that but are you sure

It’s got to be like that for me and you?

ALVITA

This is what I’m saying! Kelly, thank you.

Bottom line, Auntie, I have permission

From bloody St Paul himself to go fishing

For husbands when and where I feel like it.

The only thing I’m willing to admit

Is you probably have to wait till one dies

Before you move on, because bigamy-wise

That’d be an issue.

PASTOR JEGEDE

It is clearly