As the cold February air stole her breath, April wanted to run, but her legs were as unsteady as they had been on that lost summer’s day. Jason wasn’t there to sweep her up, so she dropped to the ground and when her body shook, it wasn’t with laughter. ‘When did you stop trying to protect me, Jason?’ she demanded. ‘When did you think it was OK to hurt me like this?’

25

‘Have you been to the cemetery?’ asked Tara when she unlocked the shop door to find April on her doorstep. She had been thinking about her all morning.

‘Yes, and I’m glad it’s out of the way now,’ April replied. Her eyes were bright and defiant but the mask almost slipped when she noticed Tara’s apron dusted with flour. ‘Sorry, I should have phoned. If you’re busy, I won’t stay.’

‘Nonsense,’ Tara told her, trying not to wince. ‘Do you want a coffee?’

‘No, I’m fine,’ she said. ‘Honestly, carry on doing what you need to do and I’ll just watch.’

Tara didn’t argue and led April through to the back. Iain was waiting for her to call so he could go out on deliveries, and she hoped that while she completed her stack of orders, April would relax enough to open up about how she really felt.

Picking up a piping bag, she said, ‘You can help boxing up the finished cupcakes if you like.’

April fetched a large cardboard cake box and began lining it with careful rows of pretty cupcakes topped with delicate pink petals and green leaves. They worked in silence until Tara heard a sniff.

‘Jason didn’t like buttercream.’

‘How was it this morning, really?’

‘They made me remember him,’ April said, jabbing a finger into the next cupcake she picked up. ‘They made me remember the nice Jason.’

‘You’re allowed to miss him, April.’

‘But I don’t want to,’ she said, keeping her voice firm. She was in the process of adding the spoiled cake to the box when Tara stopped her. April stared at the mashed-up petals and the smears of buttercream on her trembling finger. ‘I’m so sorry. Have I messed up your order?’

‘Not at all,’ Tara said with a waft of her hand. ‘I have some spares. It can be fixed.’

‘Can you fix me too?’

‘No, but you can fix yourself, and you will. The first anniversary is a tough one, but it’s here, and you’re doing fine.’

‘I’ve been dreading it for weeks,’ April admitted. ‘I had no idea how I was going to feel.’

‘And how do you feel?’