The latter filled her with savage joy, the former with a roiling, churning sickness that shamed her and that she knew none of the warriors were feeling. How could they? This was their purpose, their duty. They walked the jaguar path for this very reason, and she did not. The knowledge didn’t stop her sobbing like a lost child.

She sat on her doorstep in the last of the light, too weary to move any further. Toxte was checking on his family, trapped here now to await the final outcome of the war, but Ossa was with her. During her endless day he’d eaten a little of the meat she’d left him and drunk a lot of their precious water, and he seemed to be improving. He lay by her side with his head in her lap. His eyes were dull and his nose was dry, but his tail beat a gentle rhythm on the stone.

The faces of the dead rose in her mind and Xessa squeezed her eyes shut and leant forward to press against Ossa. His tongue found her chin.

We’re fighting for our lives. Every one of those warriors wanted to – tried to – kill me. They’ll kill us all if they can. They deserved it, deserved the deaths I gave them. They’re trying to steal us.

But they’re slaves. They’re just people like us. Forced to fight because otherwise the Pechaqueh will kill them.

No. No! They deserved it.

Xessa kissed away the tears that beaded Ossa’s skull like a crown of tiny polished diamonds. She’d fought hard and fought well. She’d protected her city and her people. She’d done what she had to – what they all had to. No one doubted that except her.

Ossa’s tail thumped again as Lutek and Tiamoko came to stand before her. Xessa blinked and scrubbed her hand over her cheeks. Of course she was crying over Ossa; there was no reason for them to think anything else.

‘I pissed myself the first time I killed someone,’ Lutek signed when she looked at her. Stark, without preamble. ‘Right there, in the middle of the fight, my first fight. Straight out of me like a flood, enough you could float a Drowned in it. While fighting. Never been so scared in my life as I was that first time.’ She smiled, half-embarrassed, and shrugged. ‘Second time I puked up my guts. Pretty much as soon as the fight was over, on my knees hacking up what felt like every meal I’d ever eaten. It happens.’