‘What happened to all the army money we got? They can’t just have handed the lot over when Pa died, there must be more. She said the army would look after us forever after what he did. Is it all because she got herself knocked up again? Is that it? Just because she let herself be ripped off by someone who had nothing to do with God and fucking country?’

I stop, breathing hard. I think I’m going to be sick. Drizzle starts to fall again, mingling with the water on my cheeks. Jason just stands there like dead tree trunk.

‘You weren’t there for that either, by the way,’ I say, swallowing bile back down my throat. ‘Already joined up and well out of our shit-hole. I had to handle that scrounger by myself. Just like Kayleigh is my responsibility. Mine.’

A sliver of moon pokes out as the clouds move over our heads. I jump as a crow flaps past my head, watching its black shadow arc into the sky.

‘So that’s it, is it?’ I say, waiting for Jason to speak. ‘Get Rach or Drina or whoever in to take care of business and we’re all good? It’s that simple?’ I laugh, in spite of myself.

‘You need to keep going to school,’ he says.

‘What has school got to do with anything?’ 74

‘It’s over if social services start messing in our business. I mean it.’

‘That lot? Are you having a laugh? Ma is way too much trouble for them. Last time they came over they practically ran back out again.’

‘I’ll know if people start asking questions,’ he hisses, grabbing my arms again. ‘This has to be neat and tidy, Carls.’

‘Well why don’t you do it, then? Freaks like that should take their kicks however they come.’

And with that my arms are finally free, except there’s a hand around my neck, lifting me off the ground like I’m a kitten for the bucket. The air disappears as I start to panic, eyes bulging, ears ringing, heart thudding in my chest as the dark gets darker until everything is almost black…

Thump. I crumple to the ground as he drops me, rubbing my neck as he looms overhead, outline like a mountain against the moon, the highest mountain on earth.

‘Get it done,’ he says. ‘And if you squeal, Ma is all you and Kayleigh will have left. This is bigger than all of us. The only way it can end is if we keep getting it done.’

I blink, cough, then throw up in the dirt next to me. Everything comes up. My heart, my guts, the lot. And by the time it’s all out, he’s gone.

75

Part Two

Marie ~ London ~ 2006