“And he’s older than us. He obviously doesn’t go to Covenant because he knows what he’s doing.” She turned from the sink and nodded at me for emphasis as I took my turn. Then she grimaced. “Eww don’t sit on that toilet. You should always squat in public, has no one taught you that?”

“I had sex,” I blurted out, trying to balance as my butt hovered an inch over the seat. “I had sex.”

If you didn’t know Ruthie, you wouldn’t have noticed the way her face changed. It looked like she was psyched, the way she was leaning toward me, eyes wide and thrilled. “I’m sorry. What?” She had on a smile now, a big, shocked smile. But in the millisecond it took her to register what I said, she was not smiling. She was not excited. She was angry.

I finished peeing and stood up, desperately reaching for the wall next to the toilet to stay balanced. It felt like all the blood rushed to my head, and then rushed away as I pulled my pants on.

“With who—”

There was a heavy bang on the door. Then another.

“Open up!” Annie yelled.

“We know you’re in there,” I could hear Catherine adding a little farther away.

I didn’t want to talk to them. I didn’t want to tell them. I wanted to talk to Ruthie. But she clearly did not want to talk to me.

She reached for the door but I grabbed her arm—“Wait, I want to”—but she twisted the lock and the door pushed open before I could finish. Before we could have a moment. Before I could see her face again.

Catherine and Annie stood at the threshold, staring at me, heads cocked, sly smiles widening on their drunken faces, holding the camera. Flash. The zzzzzz sound as they twisted the shutter. Flash.

“You’re a woman now,” Catherine said.

“Tim,” Annie added, a statement of fact. With one word, she was telling me she knew everything. They both did. More than I was able to tell Ruthie before they burst in.

Annie grabbed my arms and pulled me out of the pool house bathroom and into the cold. It was snowing more outside now, sticking to the dirt and the shriveled grass. As we walked back toward the barn, the ground felt cold through my sneakers, and my brain fixated on it.

Annie was going crazy with Ruthie’s camera. Flashes darting into the darkness like lightning. Flash. Flash. Flash.

“You’re a woman,” Catherine repeated, sidling up to my other side and entangling her arm in mine. “How do you feel?”

I could feel Ruthie lagging behind and I tried to turn to look at her, to make eye contact, to tell her how I felt, not them. But they pulled me forward, kept me moving.

“The same, I guess,” I finally said. “It all happened so fast.”