I slip into underwear and an old sports bra and get back into bed. If Graham noticed my two-hour absence, he doesn’t show it. He’s curled up in a ball, his hands praying beneath his head. He looks fake, like a black-and-white photo that would come in a frame.

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. Gone was the feeling of exhaustion I had just moments before, replaced by the same chest-pumping fear I had when I left. I close my eyes, trying to breathe through it but I can’t, the darkness of my eyelids a welcome respite from the darkness of my bedroom.

If I weren’t here, maybe I could sleep.

Because I don’t think it’s the darkness I’m afraid of.

It’s the memories. It’s him.

It’s her.

TEN

Twenty-Point Violations** (may include a $150 fine):

Falsification of information

Failure to properly identify oneself

Inappropriate personal contact including any state of undress with a member of the opposite sex

Creating a disruption to the community

Interacting with alcohol, including but not limited to: participation in a social gathering where alcohol is served, consumption of alcohol, and/or serving, buying, or possession of alcohol

**Appeals for 20-point violations are only accepted in limited circumstances within 12 hours of notification. Accepted appeals will be seen before the Student Court of Appeals and a trial of your peers will be had. Following a trial, all decisions—including extended fines and expulsion—are final.

When Catherine’s older brother invited us to an off-campus party the weekend before Christmas break, Ruthie couldn’t have said yes faster. It was like the word was living on the tip of her tongue just waiting to fly off the second “off-campus” and “boys” were mentioned in the same sentence. She had basically been preparing for this since our first night in the forest, waiting patiently until our party group decided to take the party off the blessed land to somewhere less holy but more interesting.

“This isn’t a Covenant party,” Catherine had said. “It’s with locals. So...don’t look like a Covenant student.”

Ruthie took that assignment to heart and got us ready in the most scandalous thing we could think of to wear in freezing temperatures: jeans and T-shirts. Ruthie sliced her shirt midway so it seemed to float over her boobs and reveal her belly button, and she pulled mine taut around my newly formed waist and tied it in a flimsy knot that sat against my lower back like a tattoo.