He began descending the stairs backwards, still looking at me, his brown eyes like a black hole I was getting closer and closer to, unable to pull away from even though I realized it was deadly.

“We’re hanging out here tonight,” he said. “You should come.”

“Sure,” Ruthie said quickly, quitting on the post–Hell House Hell House before we had even been invited.

“Okay,” I said.

He smiled at me—“Good”—then disappeared into the trees.

As Ruthie and I started walking back up the hill toward the stadium, we could hear Dr. Felix Chastain beginning his post–Hell House speech inside the stadium where we were supposed to be.

“Welcome to salvation,” Dr. Felix Chastain’s voice echoed into the forest. “Be not afraid,” he began, pausing perfectly. “Fear not and be not afraid, and such, are the most repeated phrases in the Bible. By telling us not to be afraid, what God is really saying is that there are things out there to fear. The Lord our God is with us to protect us from temptation and from the Devil himself, but the Devil is out there, in so many ways. He’s in every bar. He’s in every sip of alcohol. He’s in every inappropriate sexual relationship and every dance party and every profane word, and improper thought and immoral feeling. He’s all around us, tempting us every single day. Those scenes you witnessed today—they’re real and happening everywhere.

“Be not afraid,” he repeated. “For God is with you,” he finished, a sentiment I’d been force-fed my entire life. “We want you to know that here, at Covenant, we are also with you.” He paused. “We look out for one another here. We are together in our pursuit of a holy life. We will teach and protect each other. We are one another’s strength and might. We are together wherever we go. We have your back. Be. Not. Afraid.”

His voice faded as Ruthie and I continued toward our dorms, the stadium shrinking behind us. Ruthie entwined her arm with mine and I leaned my head on her shoulder as we walked in step together.

They didn’t have our backs here. Maybe God still did, but even that I’d started to question. The one thing I knew for sure was the only person I could trust here was Ruthie. Ruthie and me.

And I loved it.

We arrived at the woods at 10:01 p.m. We didn’t want to be late and risk missing any aspect of our first party, no matter how inconsequential. We were in. We’d made it.