She looked into his face and saw pain behind the anger. She felt it as if she’d been hurt herself, the awful agony of it. It would be more than he could bear.

‘Is it?’ He was close to tears. ‘Is that why you fucked him?’

‘Don’t, Steve.’

‘Don’t what?’

‘I’ve never heard you use that kind of language.’

‘No?’ He put his hands flat on the kitchen table. ‘I guess it’s a day of firsts, isn’t it?’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘No, you’re not. I know you’re not sorry because I saw you.’ He pointed to a spot on the lino. ‘You stood right there with your eyes shut and you grabbed that bastard by the neck. And when you saw me, you took your time letting go of him. D’you know that?’

She looked away, flooded with shame, and he held her by the chin, turned her face towards him.

‘You’re just sorry I interrupted you,’ he said.

‘That’s not true.’

‘I think it is.’ He stepped away from her. ‘I think you want rid of me and you don’t have the decency to say it.’

She stood, settled the baby on her hip and tried to find the right words. He looked at her like a drowning man. She didn’t know if she could hold onto him now, or if she should.

‘I did feel that way for a while,’ she said. ‘I started to think I’d stopped loving you.’

He dug at his eyes. ‘I knew that. I felt it.’

‘I started to think maybe I couldn’t love anyone.’ She took a step closer to him. He didn’t move away. ‘I’ve always had this fear, that I’m like my mother.’

He shook his head at her. ‘Meaning what?’

‘Meaning I’m selfish and cold.’ She felt tears coming. ‘What if we had a baby and I didn’t love it enough? What if I felt nothing at all?’

‘I must have told you a hundred times you’d make a good mum—’

‘That’s because you’ve got me on a pedestal. You worship me and I don’t deserve it.’

He considered her, scratching the dry blood on his lip. ‘I can’t argue with that.’

‘You always loved me too much.’ She rocked the baby, who was quiet now. ‘I do love you. You might not believe it but I do, in my way.’

He stared down at the bags of shopping, spilled over the lino where he’d dropped them earlier. ‘I ought to walk straight out of here, Mandy. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t get the hell out of here.’

‘I don’t have one,’ she said. ‘But I’d like you to stay.’

‘Would you?’

She nodded, and he sobbed with undisguised relief. She reached out to him and he shook his head, turned away from her. He was dry-eyed when he looked at her again.

‘I want you to respect me.’ He picked the chair up from the floor and slammed it down. ‘Can you manage that? Is that asking too much?’