When Beau disappeared, I carefully maneuvered myself onto the hospital bed next to Connor, making sure not to disturb any of the tubes or wires he was hooked up to. The bed was more than big enough for the both of us as I lay down beside him. He unconsciously shifted toward me in his sleep when I rested my head on the pillow beside him.

“Please be okay,” I whispered. “Please.”

Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

I must have fallen asleep, because I was met with a harsh, unfamiliar light when I opened my eyes again. Everything was shifting in and out of focus when I sat up, and after a few seconds I realized I wasn’t in the ER with Connor anymore.

The ER had been replaced with a bland hospital room with beige walls and old green furniture. Connor was still asleep in the bed, the breathing tube still present. Mom was next to him, slumped over in the chair beside the bed, her chin in hand, eyes closed.

I stumbled my way off the cramped loveseat I’d been moved to and went over to Mom, shoving my hair out of my face as I went. Her eyes snapped open when she heard me moving and she straightened up, blinking the sleep out of her eyes.

YOU OK? was the first thing she signed to me.

FINE, I signed, even though I didn’t mean it one bit. I was stiff all over and my head was throbbing painfully. YOU SHOW UP, WHEN?

EARLY MORNING, Mom answered. TIME 5:30.

TIME NOW? I asked, looking around the room for a clock.

Mom pulled her cell phone out of her bag and signed, TIME 8:24, MORNING.

How could I have slept for three hours?

I SHOW UP, B-E-A-U WITH YOU, Mom signed to me when she put her cell phone away.

Right. Beau.

I . . . DON’T KNOW, I started to sign to Mom, wanting to tell her everything that happened. DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, DON’T KNOW HOW HELP CONNOR, HOSPITAL V-R-I NOT WORK, I—

Mom caught my hands in hers and squeezed tight, and I knew she was just trying to comfort me, but I felt like I was going to collapse.

NOT BLAME YOU, Mom signed when she released my hands. NOT YOUR FAULT.

FEEL MY FAULT, I signed back.

Mom scooted over in the chair and gently tugged me down next to her, wrapping one arm tight around my shoulders.

YOU DO YOUR BEST, she signed to me. SCARY, I KNOW, BUT YOU HELP CONNOR. HE OK.

I dropped my head onto Mom’s shoulder and shut my eyes, wishing everything around us would just fall away and disappear into nothingness. I could feel the vibrations in her throat and I knew she was talking, so I leaned up to get a better look at her.

CONNOR OK, Mom signed, her free hand pressed against my cheek. I KNOW YOU NOT THINK THAT, BUT YOU BRAVE. NOT EASY.