NOT . . . I had a hand against my chest, wanting the heavy pressure there to go away. I just wanted things to be normal again.

Mom raised an eyebrow in confusion, not understanding where I was going with this.

I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN BECOME R-T, I signed, tremors running through my hands. I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN.

Mom’s expression went from confusion to shock.

WHY NOT? she quickly signed back.

BECAUSE WHY? I LOSE MY MIND WHEN CONNOR CAN’T BREATHE. HOW I HELP KIDS WITH SAME PROBLEM IF I CAN’T COMMUNICATE?

It had taken me years to get to the place where I was comfortable being Deaf, enjoyed it and embraced everything that came with it. But now it felt like it was the one thing standing in the way of the dream I’d had since I was a child.

I hadn’t been able to help my brother last night. I’d been panicked and confused and unable to speak, sign, or listen. I’d cried a million times and barely held myself together. If I couldn’t help Connor, how could I help anyone else?

DIFFERENT, Mom signed firmly. KIDS YOU WORK WITH NOT YOUR BROTHER. DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE.

SURE? I signed skeptically. BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE HOW I FEEL NOW.

UNDERSTAND, Mom agreed. BUT I BELIEVE I-N YOU.

I knew Mom believed in me, but why didn’t that feel like enough?

YOU FEEL DIFFERENT LATER, Mom signed after a slight pause. PROMISE.

I wanted to take Mom’s promise to heart, but right then it felt impossible.

When enough time had passed to where my breathing had become even again, Mom turned back to me and signed, B-E-A-U HERE STILL.

“What?” I said aloud, and signed, REALLY?

Mom nodded, taking a sip of coffee from the cup that had been on the nightstand.

WHERE? I signed, hastily pulling myself up to my feet.

WAIT ROOM, Mom answered, nodding toward the door.

I let myself out of the room as gracefully as possible and took off down the hallway at a sprint, following the signs leading to the waiting room. When I rounded the corner, I came skidding to a halt when I saw Beau.

He was standing off to the side, in conversation with a short, brown-haired woman dressed in Thanksgiving-themed scrubs. Reading his body language and seeing how relaxed he appeared to be, the polite smile on his face, Beau must know this nurse.

I was close enough to where I could catch a couple words of what he was saying, like, “school’s good” and what I thought might be, “Yale.” I was sure I looked ridiculous standing there, my eyes glued to Beau, but I wasn’t about to waltz up to them and butt into their conversation.

Beau noticed me a moment later and was quick to wrap up with the nurse. He gave her a fast hug before moving my way.