I dragged my eyes over to meet Beau’s gaze when he gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

HE OK, he signed to me. YOUR BROTHER.

DON’T KNOW THAT, I pointed out.

He gave a nod of agreement and signed back, MAYBE. BUT TRY NOT WORRY.

I sucked in a huge breath of air, leaning my head back to stare up at all the beige dots covering the white ceiling tiles.

Not worrying was easier said than done. It wasn’t Beau’s little brother in some hospital bed, struggling to breathe.

When the receptionist, Kelsey, came over to us in the waiting room, I sat upright, gripping Beau’s knee so tightly I saw him wince. I hadn’t kept a close watch on the clock for fear of losing my mind completely, so I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since I was last told I couldn’t go see Connor.

Kelsey looked to Beau when she approached and said, “. . . her you can . . . see him now.”

SEE HIM NOW? I quickly signed to Beau, and he nodded, signing, YES.

I was up and on my feet, hot on Kelsey’s heels as she led us to the double doors Connor disappeared through when we first got to the hospital. I wasn’t sure when I laced my fingers through Beau’s, holding onto his hand impossibly tight, but I didn’t let go.

Kelsey led us down a long corridor full of medical equipment, people in scrubs, and beds with green privacy curtains pulled closed on either side of us. It felt like we walked the distance of a football field before Kelsey finally stopped and pulled back the curtains around a bed toward the end of the corridor.

Beau’s hand slipped from mine as I took a step forward, my eyes fixed on Connor. He looked so small in the gigantic hospital bed, dressed in one of those oversized gowns, a breathing tube inserted carefully down his throat. I chose to focus on the fact that Connor was breathing and not the fact he looked so miserable, even unconscious.

My hand was trembling when I reached out to Beau, trying to sign, HE OK?

I must have gotten the point across because I caught sight of Beau speaking to Kelsey, but all Beau signed in response was, DOCTOR HERE SOON, HE EXPLAIN.

Kelsey tugged the privacy curtains shut on her way out, leaving Beau and me alone with Connor. I felt rooted to the spot, my mind kicking into overdrive trying to process everything that happened in such a short amount of time. It took effort to put one foot in front of the other to go to Connor’s side.