“You mean, you began dressing like a male.”

She lifted her chin. “And what if I did?”

“I don’t judge you,” I said. “What happened next?”

“I hid out with my sister, and saw Fly Man when I could,” she said. “When I got older, I took up with a group of smart kids.”

“Rebels,” I guessed.

“They were just kids at the time,” she corrected. “We refused to be subject to our equals, especially those who don’t care if we live or die.”

I barely heard her, unable to shake the image of William handing me over. “It was good of you to risk death for your blood family, Voltaire,” I said, finally. “I wish all Second Brothers were as decent as you.”

She eyed me with contempt. “No one here feels sorry for you, Arika, least of all me.”

“If you knew my life, I think you’d change your mind.”

“The fact that you can make up your own mind means you’re privileged. Only, you’re too privileged to see it.”

I scoffed. “You think feeling betrayed is preferable to the bliss of erasure? It’s not!”

“It is! Do you know why I’m here in the oasis?”

I shook my head. She was on her feet, shouting at me. “Well, neither do I,” she said.

I was confused.

“I don’t know, because the Record Keepers had me erased! Ten pills!”

Her pain was palpable.

“I don’t even remember the plans I had for the Rebels. Walker says that I told him to head this way before I went under. We were to continue heading north, but I don’t know where or why.”

“You didn’t leave yourself notes?” I asked.

She shook her head. “I was afraid to. Spies haunted my every step in those days. I told Fly Man and Walker there would be an oasis, and to wait here, but not much else. I hoped that some spark of memory would light when we got here. Something that explains why we headed north to begin with. But I’m as lost today as I was when I awakened.”

I frowned, remembering how I decided Hosea was leading our group to the Obi Forest. Had Voltaire been going to the forbidden lands too?

“I never thought my own people, my First Brothers, would use the worst English weapon against me in such an underhanded manner,” she said.

“The Rebirth was never supposed to be a weapon,” I defended, automatically. In my guilt, I wanted her to see my side. “It was supposed to be a peacekeeping measure.”

“Sure,” she sneered. “It keeps the workers in line so that the Record Keepers can take advantage of our ignorance.”

I couldn’t deny that. “Not all Record Keepers are self-serving,” I said. “Plenty of us want to restore strength to the village.”

“You can’t restore strength by creating weakness—Arika.”