“What on earth possessed you to do such an idiotic thing?” I asked him on the way home from jail. He told me he figured Reverend Sternmuller would be away at the bingo game for hours. And as it turns out, he was right. Anyhow, he took his silly bath. Without even bothering to rinse out the tub when he was through!

And then—it just keeps getting worse—he decided he was hungry, so he wrapped one of

Reverend Sternmuller’s towels around his waist and went downstairs to the kitchen for a snack. Of course there was plenty to eat, because Greta Gustafson has been cooking meals nonstop ever since Reverend Sternmuller moved in. Daddy found a lovely turkey drumstick and just helped himself to it, without a second thought.

So there he was, stealing food from a retired minister, when he wandered into the living room and tripped over a bearskin rug.

Only it turns out it wasn’t a rug, but Reverend Sternmuller’s deaf rottweiler Brutus! Brutus took one look at this strange man in the house and sprung into action. The next thing Daddy knew, the dog had the bath towel in his massive jaws and ripped it from his waist. Daddy ran for his life, out the front door, Brutus in hot pursuit.

And that’s how the cops found your father, running through the streets of Tampa Vistas buck naked!

Of course, Daddy made such a racket busting into Reverend Sternmuller’s house, at least five eyewitnesses saw him breaking and entering. Which is why the cops hauled him off to jail. What’s worse, the story was picked up by the Tampa Tribune, so now, in addition to being the laughingstock of Tampa Vistas, we’re the laughingstock of the entire Gulf Coast.

Oh, dear. I think I’ll skip the Stress-Less tonight and go straight to the sherry.

XXX

Mom

To: Jausten

From: DaddyO

Subject: Little Mishap

I suppose your mom has told you about my little mishap at Reverend Sternmuller’s house. I don’t understand how I could have been so wrong about the guy. The Nose is never wrong. But I guess everybody is entitled to a mistake now and then. Your mom is making me write a formal letter of apology.

Your loving,

Daddy

P.S. A word of advice: Stay away from bearskin rugs, especially if they’re snoring.

To: Jausten

From: Shoptillyoudrop

Subject: All’s Well That Ends Well

You know, darling, I’ve been thinking it over and I’ve decided that things aren’t so bad, after all. Maybe this whole humiliating escapade will serve as a lesson to Daddy, and teach him to mind his own beeswax! Yes, the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that everything has worked out for the best.

And speaking of things working out for the best, guess what? Reverend Sternmuller has