She stood up again and a strange cry emerged from her vocal cords, the sudden noise causing the people around her to stare.

Why was he here?

But she knew why. She’d always known, hadn’t she? That some day, it would all come back. But if she’d ever imagined that her son would be the one to…

Claire felt the room spin.

This couldn’t be happening.

But it was. And there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Not her son. Please God, not her son.

Claire tried to swallow but couldn’t and instead took a step forward. She wanted to run towards Paul and smash his head against the floor. She wanted to smash it over and over again until he was nothing more than a mush of brains and blood seeping across the courtroom floor. But she was stuck, paralysed by the sight of him, and after years of supressing the worst of the memories, the last of her resistance trickled away and she surrendered to the onslaught.

December 1989

50

‘Are you sure, Claire?’ Paul asked.

Claire nodded, wishing he would stop talking, stop checking with her. His tenderness just made her want him even more. They’d been in the library after school on a Friday. It was raining outside, a torrential downpour that threatened to flood the school field. The place had seemed deserted and even the librarian had left early.

Claire couldn’t explain it but she knew something spectacular was going to happen that day. As soon as she’d opened her eyes that morning, she’d felt a sense of anticipation. She’d dressed carefully, taking the time to put on a little make-up. Not too much as her mother would tell her to remove it but just enough to enhance her eyes and gloss her lips. She’d moved through her morning from class to class expectant and excited.

When her eyes met Paul’s in the corridor, they shared a private smile. Perhaps he also knew that they were about to embark on something special together. The fact that their relationship was still a secret just made it even more exciting. She knew she’d have to tell the girls at some point, but not yet. For now, it was just her and Paul wrapped in their own world of possibility and Claire didn’t want anything to tarnish it.