He couldn’t ever remember being sat together as a family, not even when he was little. In fact, he didn’t really remember much of his dad at all from when he was younger, only his mum. When he mentioned this to his mother, she told him it was because his dad used to work away a lot. Paul never questioned it but the older he got, the more he wondered about it. He knew his relationship with his father was different to other boys. It was Gavin’s dad who’d taught him to ride a bike one Saturday afternoon and it had been Gavin’s dad who’d driven them to various outings such as the sports field, the summer camp with YMCA, and the trips to the park. Paul’s mother was ever present in his life but mainly from her usual spot in the doorway to wave him off or welcome him back.

Now as he watched Claire’s dad get up from the sofa and ruffle her hair, the small gesture emphasised the void even further, repelling Paul from his crouched watching position to scrabble back down the driveway, through the gate and back to his bike. He held the handlebars tightly, pedalling his way back home, knowing all the while that once he arrived at his own house, the drabness would be even more apparent.

Now he knew what he must do; he had to work even harder to make sure he succeeded in his dream of becoming a doctor. Then he could provide for her, buy her a big house like the one she lived in and together they would create their own family.

*

Paul slipped through the back door quietly, hoping no one had noticed his absence. The house was silent and he was just about to leg it up the stairs when he heard the clattering of broken crockery as it smashed against the wall. Paul jumped and quickly ran upstairs to his bedroom. His heart pounded as he heard his dad shouting.

What had happened? What slight had his mother made? For God’s sake, all she had to do was sit and read her magazines, keep quiet and not set him off. But deep down, he knew it was an almost impossible challenge. His father was sensitive even to someone breathing. The anger rose in Paul sharp and fast, and he felt the bite of pain as he slammed his fist into the wall. It was the only way to release everything inside of him.