‘It kills me though. It just kills me. And what if I get shot over there and we never—’

I clapped my hand over his mouth. ‘We will, then. Before you go. We will.’

His breath was hot on my palm. He took my hand away and held it in his. ‘I don’t want us sneaking around though. Feeling like it’s bad, somehow. Marry me, Sarah. Will you?’

Roy was looking at me now with his blue-grey eyes, and my heart was beating so hard I was certain he could hear it.

‘I asked your dad and he said it was fine by him. Not sure how happy he was about it, though. I didn’t want you to think—I didn’t want you to think it wasn’t something I’ve thought about—something I’ve planned for.’

I looked away across the park. Trees and benches were black silhouettes against dusky sky. I thought of him on the floor of my room, his body on a stretcher, the vulnerability of his freckled skin. I could not say no. Not to the chance to make him happy—for him to go over there with my photograph growing soft in his pocket and the hope of more life between us. And maybe I didn’t trust myself either: I could (I knew this) fall for someone else. There were so many others. And they were all so eager, needy, desperate for love.

‘Okay,’ I said, running my finger along his cheek, as surprised by the word as he was.

‘Really?’ He kissed me, hard, and I could feel the way he’d been tempering himself, holding back.

‘Yes. How soon?’

He groaned. ‘Not soon enough. I’ll have to get permission, and they need a ton of paperwork. Can you get a hold of your birth certificate? Can you get a dress together? And find a church? Holy smoke, we’ve got a lot to do.’

‘I can,’ I said, laughing, and leaned my body into his for another kiss, my skin tingling as he ran his fingers across my scalp, all of it alive with feeling.

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 11

I roll over in my narrow bed and see the raindrops streaming down the plexiglass of our window, the grey sky outside. When Grandma got up to use the bathroom at dawn I woke as well, and I haven’t been able to go back to sleep.

‘I’m going for a run before breakfast,’ I say.

I sit up and dig through the drawers for my running shorts and t-shirt.

‘In the rain?’

‘I never notice once I’m out there.’

‘But the decks might be slippery.’

‘I’ll be careful.’