With each word, I see a hint of the strength behind her fragile beauty, and I want to believe her. Hope is like a butterfly softly fluttering along my cheeks.

“I love you, Mom,” I say. My words feel new, as if I’m unfurling the fist I’ve held tight for so long and offering her my open hand.

“I love you too, Lulu.” She smiles past the tears still falling. “I wish you could remember me when I was a good mom.”

“I do.”

She shakes her head. “I mean before… before Maisie. I was a way better mom. I promise.”

“I know what you meant.” Should I tell her about my memory? For the first time, I feel like she might actually understand. Like she might be okay with it. And then maybe I could tell her about Gram, and we could figure out what to do together.

My phone rings and buzzes noisily in my pocket. I pull it out and glance at Olivia’s text.

I told Max about the creeper at the zoo. He says he wants us to come to the barn. How long is your mom going to talk to you?

I wave my phone. “It’s Olivia.”

Mom wipes the back of her hand across her eyes. “Clay is probably driving her crazy. We can talk more later.”

She links arms with me, kissing me softly on the forehead before we walk back to the kitchen. I cling to her hand; now that I have her, I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to leave this bubble that’s around us. I’m afraid the second I step outside it, Mom won’t see me again.

Olivia hops off the counter, her eyes wide. “Max texted and we need to get to the barn. There’s a special lesson that is… special.”

“I can take you,” Mom says. Her arm is still firmly linked with mine.

Gram frowns. “Do you have a lesson today? Did we miss it?”

“It’s a special lesson,” Olivia repeats, smiling her most innocent smile.

“It would be great if you could drop us off,” I say to Mom, trying to ignore Gram’s confused expression. “You should bring Clay. He always conks out in the car. That way Gram can rest.”

“How’s that sound, little man?” Mom tickles Clay and swoops him up for a kiss.

He’s fast asleep by the time we pull up to the barn. Mom smiles. “You know your stuff, Lulu. The best big sister in the world.”

“Don’t worry about picking us up,” Olivia says. “My mom said she would.”

Mom waves as she pulls away, and I can’t help the twinge of guilt I feel for lying to her. She hasn’t tried this hard in a long time. Maybe things are really going to be different.

“You look weird,” Olivia says.