I give up trying to sleep and reach for my phone to use as a flashlight. I tiptoe down the stairs to the kitchen. Whenever I can’t sleep, I snack.

Gram’s light shines beneath her door. Another person whose thalamus isn’t working properly. I knock lightly, and the door swings right open. Gram stares past me, her eyes wild and unfocused.

“Margaret, why are you doing this to me?” she says, tears streaming down her cheeks.

I place a hand on her shoulder and try to ignore my heart, hammering in my ribs. “Gram, it’s me,” I whisper, glancing over my shoulder. I can’t let my parents hear her like this.

“You lied to us. You told Jacob I didn’t love him. You told him I was marrying Sam. Why did you do that? You ruined our friendship. You ruined our lives.” Her cries quickly turn into sobs.

I close the door behind me and lead her to the bed. “Gram, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

She huddles on the bed. I climb next to her and hug her tight. “He loves me,” she whispers. “He wants to marry me. Why did you trick us? I can’t marry him now. He keeps begging me to, but I can’t. You knew I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Gram, it’s me. It’s not Margaret. It’s Lulu.”

She slowly stops crying and looks up at me. “Lulu?”

“Yes, it’s me. You’re at home and you’re safe.”

“I’m home and safe,” she repeats, one more tear escaping down the lines of her cheek.

“You need to go to bed, okay?” I help her under the covers and tuck them around her chin. Her eyes close, as if her eyelids are too heavy to keep open for one more second.

I kiss her forehead as she’s done so many times for me.

“He loves me,” she murmurs, her eyes still shut. “He still loves me.”

“Who, Gram?”

“Jacob,” she answers sleepily. “But I can’t marry him. Not when he’s married to Margaret.” She snuffles in her sleep, and a rhythmic snoring quickly follows.

I slip back upstairs without getting my snack and stop at Clay’s room. He sleeps in his crib with his butt up in the air, his Pull-Ups sticking out the top of his monster-truck pajamas. His breath comes out in even puffs, like he’s trying to blow out a candle.

I climb over the edge of the railing and curl up next to him. He throws an arm across my neck, and I don’t even care that he smells like pee. The rhythm of his heart rocks me until I finally fall asleep.