“Let me see if I got this. You’re going to California to find a man you spent a day with, without talking to him or seeing him, and all that happened while you were with David.”

“Sort of. It’s complicated.”

“Maya, he could be a total psycho. You realize that, right?”

“He’s not a psycho. Mom, have a little faith in me.”

“Honey, your decisions when it comes to men aren’t—”

“It’s different this time.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t think I truly loved any of my previous boyfriends. Maybe I was in love with them in the beginning, but then I knew it wasn’t going to work out.”

“And you think you love this man you don’t even know?”

“I don’t know. But I owe it to myself to at least meet him face to face and talk to him.”

“Honey, why don’t you come over, spend the weekend, and let’s talk about it. Is this because of David? This is such a rash decision, and it doesn’t sound like you.”

That’s a good thing. Because she’s right. The ‘me’ she knows only made crappy decisions all of her adult life. I’m happy to exchange that version of myself any day.

I hesitate many times, despite telling my mother I’m sure about what I’m doing.

But an hour later, I’m on the plane, we take off, and I see my reflection in the small, round window and the silly grin on my face, and I feel proud. I feel reckless and brave and excited. I’m taking a risk. And at least for a moment, as brief as it is, there’s no hesitation and all that lies ahead is a world of possibilities.

I haven’t felt this free since I boarded a bus and headed into the unknown. So free!

Twenty-Three

June 3

It’s Monday afternoon when I finally land in San Francisco. The moment I turn on my phone I see I have two missed calls from David and two voicemails. I delete them without listening. If I don’t talk to him, he’ll get over it faster. Besides, this is too fresh for me to be strong about it. I worry about how I will react if I answer.

I get my suitcases onto a luggage cart and make my way to the front of the Arrivals building. It’s all so familiar. The last time I was here, things took an unexpected turn. And now, here I am again, things reversed. My life already took an unexpected turn.

There are so many rideshare cars in front of the airport and I can’t help but think back. And wonder. What if? Although I know that would be too much of a coincidence. I’m tempted to request a Lift to take me to Carmel, but when I open the app and see how much that costs, I change my mind. There’s a 0.01 percent chance he would be my driver, and I can’t spend money I don’t have on those odds. I’ve taken enough risks in twenty-four hours and spent a few hundred dollars of my limited funds—limited is a mild statement. I need to budget wisely for a place to stay while I’m here, eat and still have enough for the return ticket to New York.