I nod. I wish I wasn’t tired, to be honest. I wish we had more time. I wish I met him first. There. I said it. I wish I met him first.

I should go to sleep. This is not helping.

Seventy-Four

June 15

I finally feel like I got a decent amount of rest, despite waking up around three and then struggling to go back to sleep for an hour.

I called Alisa last night and although she couldn’t talk for too long because she was going into a meeting, I told her about the hot air balloon and sent her a couple of photos.

Her reaction was a mix of ‘Yay! That’s so nice. Tell me more’ with ‘I’m still confused. Don’t confuse me even more with details. And tell me again why you’re always with this guy?’

Ever since I started spending time with Ethan, my relationship with Alisa has suffered. Usually, we’re on the same page. We agree on everything. Now, every time I call her, I feel like I have to defend myself and my choices, and it’s exhausting. Besides, it’s hard to defend something I can barely explain or justify to myself. I don’t need someone making me second-guess every single thing I do or say something. I already second- and triple-guess myself as it is.

The first thing I notice when I get out of bed is that the sun is up. When I check my clock, I panic. It’s nine-thirty. I didn’t hear the alarm go off at six; I didn’t even hear my mom’s call.

I run out of the room. They’re both gone.

Minutes later, my hair still wet from the shower, I rush to Café Azure when my mom calls again.

“I was worried. You usually call me early in the morning,” she says.

“Sorry, Mom. I overslept,” I say.

“Are you running? You sound out of breath.”

“No, no, I’m just late… meeting someone.”

“Someone as in him?”

“No, not him, Mom. Friends.”

“David stopped calling,” she says.

“Good,” I say.

“I think you made a mistake.”

“He cheated on me, Mom. And not just once. I deserve better.”

“I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me? Weasel.”

“And Mom, before you ask when I’m coming back. I quit my job in NY and I’ve been working in Carmel and I love it here. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“Thank God,” she says. “It was about time you taught that witch a lesson.”

I start laughing and she laughs too.

“All I want is for you to be happy. If you found what you were looking for there—”

Did I find what I was looking for? Isn’t this the question of the century?

Seventy-Five

When I walk in, the café is packed. Celine takes an order, and Ethan makes coffee.

“I’m so sorry,” I say to Celine when she comes back to the counter.