“I can stay here while you go with Ethan,” I say.

She squints, “You’re not coming?”

I don’t answer because I don’t know. I haven’t thought about that yet. I feel like I should start tearing myself away from him, so tomorrow, when he leaves for the airport, it’s not going to be like ripping a Band-Aid off a fresh wound. It will be more like an existing, already bandaged cut.

Who am I kidding? How much of this forced separation can I accomplish in one day?

Especially with him sitting, like always, at his table. As if tomorrow is just another day. Maybe it is. For him. Although, thinking back to last night… I’m starting to have doubts.

“He’d want you to be there,” she says.

And I would want to be there. “I just don’t know if it’s a good idea,” I say.

“Because of the paper thing?” she asks.

Anna interrupts us when she comes from behind me and hugs me tight.

“Thank you! I now have an upstairs neighbor and, as it happens, a date for tonight.”

I smile. “I’m so glad it worked out.”

“Not more than I am,” she says and after getting her order ‘to go’ from Celine, I see her meeting our charming Hugo outside. The ‘Blue Valentines’ Club’ is getting thinner. I love it!

Ethan stops writing after a while and I see him taking out my manuscript. He must be almost done with it. He’s browsing through some pages, back and forth, as if he’s looking for something and the nervousness is back with a vengeance. He’s so focused, I don’t dare to interrupt him.

The more he keeps reading and the more time passes, I feel again like last night. Out of air. I feel the walls closing in on me and pressing my rib cage. Am I becoming claustrophobic?

“Do you mind if I take a break?” I ask Celine. “I want to take a walk. Get some air.”

“Of course!” she says. “Everything OK? You look a bit pale.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry.”

As I’m about to go out the door, I feel someone is right behind me and turn. It’s Ethan.

“Where are you going?” he asks.

“Nowhere in particular; taking a break,” I say.

“Do you want company?”

Yours? More than anything, which is killing me inside. That’s the problem, Ethan. I do want your company. Now, and later, and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.

“Is it OK if I just do this one by myself?”

“No, of course.” He touches my arm. “Before you go—” He pauses. “I finished your book.”

My heart is thumping.

He looks at me, through me, and straight into my soul.

“I now owe you some answers. As was the deal.”

I swallow nervously and realize I haven’t said a word.

“Can I text you later? I have to see… someone. Arrange a meeting.” His smile forced.

He’s seeing someone to arrange a meeting? Max. He’s going to see Max, tell him about me, and get us in front of each other. Ethan finished reading and he believes me. This is what I’ve wanted. Then why is my heart hurting right now? Why am I feeling sadness instead of joy?