Sitting in the office of this colleague whom he barely knew, he remembered what he’d heard about her. He wasn’t sure if it was true or merely a rumour, but Patrick had been told several times that Sophie had seen her co-worker commit suicide. In the company where she used to work, she had shared her office with a man for a few years. One day, suddenly, while they were having a perfectly normal conversation about a film, he had stood up and jumped out of the window. Yes, Patrick recognised her now: she was the suicide girl. That’s what they called her. He didn’t know what conclusion to draw from this, but just as he’d been on the verge of fainting she’d been very kind and helpful to him. As he sat there drinking a third glass of water, she smiled at him.

Patrick’s vision was oddly distorted. It took a while before it went back to normal, as if he were trying to refocus a complicated camera lens. He stood up and thanked Sophie for her help. He mumbled that he’d just felt suddenly tired – probably due to overwork. ‘I need a holiday!’ he’d declared, trying hard to sound light-hearted. Sophie hid her concern and told him simply that she was there if he needed anything. Presumably she was racked with guilt, constantly wondering what she could have done to save her colleague.

As he walked back to his office, Patrick gradually felt a weight lifting from his shoulders. The tension of the last few days dissolved. So he wasn’t going to lose his job. But the interview confirmed his fears that the company was being run by a cynical monster. He wanted to laugh – he could have laughed – but his body had decided otherwise. It is always the body that decides these things. Deep down inside, in his flesh or in his heart, he was badly shaken. All those years he’d spent working there, being a team player, only to be humiliated. Because there was really no other word for what he’d just experienced: he’d suffered a crushing humiliation.

69

He sent a message to his wife, letting her know that everything was fine, then dealt with a few pressing work issues. He cancelled a meeting with a client, saying he was coming down with a fever. He didn’t have the strength to travel across Paris to have a conversation about life insurance. Just for once, he thought, he could go to the cinema. Nobody was monitoring what he did with his time, and anyway he worked harder than anyone had a right to expect. So, yes, why not? Take the afternoon off and sit in a darkened room. See a film, it didn’t matter which one. When was the last time he’d been to the cinema? He had no idea. Maybe some action movie he’d seen with his son. A Mission: Impossible or something like that. Yes, that was it. He remembered now: Tom Cruise on top of the tallest building in the world, in Dubai. Patrick was sitting in his office surrounded by Post-Its as he recalled that image of absolute heroism. He wondered fleetingly how Tom Cruise would have reacted to a meeting with Desjoyaux; how would his courage have manifested itself?