Patrick looked at his watch; he had to get back to work. But he could see that I didn’t want him to leave me like that, on the shores of his marital confession. In the end he said he would inform the office he had a meeting with a client, so he could keep talking to me. I think the truth is that he wanted to talk; he wanted me to believe that he was doing me a favour, but in reality he was doing it for himself. He began by lowering my expectations: ‘I don’t think there’s anything to say really. It’s all pretty classic. Basically, the problem is the body. Yep, that’s the crux of the problem. In any relationship, there comes a time when something very strange, something terrible happens. You make love without wanting to. You make love out of a sense of duty, because you feel obliged to show that you still desire the other person. I remember that moment quite vividly. I was tired, I wanted to sleep, but I could see in Valérie’s eyes that she was thinking: another night without sex. I couldn’t even remember the last time we’d done it. We had two children, we lived together all the time; the desire had faded. So we found ourselves pretending. We wondered what other people did. Did they lie, did they cheat on each other, did they take pills? Valérie wanted us to talk to someone. A sort of counsellor who would help us want each other again. I thought it was a stupid idea, but I went along with it. I wanted to show that I was trying. But there was nothing to say. Life is badly designed, that’s just how it is. Either you get used to the lack of desire or you split up. But we got along perfectly well; there was no reason to split up. We agreed about the children’s education, we saw things the same way, we hardly ever argued. At one point, I even thought that was maybe the problem. It would have been easier to hate each other or tear each other to pieces. But we were like a drowning couple who held hands instead of trying to swim. I thought about having an affair, but I didn’t feel capable of that. I didn’t feel any disapproval for some of my friends who cheated on their wives. Everyone does what he can with his desire. But I couldn’t do that. I don’t think it even had anything to do with love. I just felt that if I went with another woman, I would be destroying what we had. And I didn’t want that. I still don’t want that. I know we don’t show each other enough affection, I know I don’t have enough energy for her, but I couldn’t live without Valérie. I need her presence. Even if we don’t talk, I know she’s there. But I can tell she’s upset with me, I can tell she’s not happy any more. She’s always criticising me for being lethargic, for never organising anything, for not making decisions any more. I know all that, but it’s this weight on my shoulders that’s holding me down. For a long time, I thought the storm would pass, that we would come out the other side and there’d be better days ahead, but it’s like we’ve been sucked into this downward spiral. And it’s so hard to climb back up to happiness. I don’t know what to do to change things …’