Amid these tears, he tried to express his fear. His words were simple and disarmingly beautiful. ‘I can’t live without you. You’re the love of my life. It was the fear of losing you that made me blow up like that. I’m so sorry, please forgive me …’ She felt as if she’d rediscovered the man she used to love; yes, she was face to face with the sensitive side of her husband that had become, for her, a paradise lost.

She took his hand and he got into their bed.

They slept in each other’s arms all night long.

Dreaming once again of the love they felt.

In the glorious daze of a marriage reborn.

66

At first, it struck me as strange that such vast bitterness and disenchantment could be swept away by a few tears. But it wasn’t just the tears, it was also what Patrick had said: his declaration, like the last words of a man sentenced to death. Despite everything she’d told me, this was what Valérie had been waiting for: a reaction on her husband’s part. They’d been brushing past each other for so long … Now, at last, she understood his distress, his pain. And it did them both good to talk and to cry (because she couldn’t hold back the tears either). They realised that it had been years since they’d been so open with each other. Patrick wanted to send me a message, apologising, but Valérie told him she’d do it herself. Everything is back to normal.

That night of tenderness had left them both in a stupor. There is something sublime about discovering someone you’ve always known. Patrick got up to make breakfast. Everything he did radiated the promise of a new era. He went to wake his children, first Lola and then Jérémie, and apologised to them. He explained that his difficulties at work had darkened his moods. His children, now wide awake, were both understanding. He realised now that he didn’t share his feelings enough with his loved ones. He’d let his doubts and fears seep into their home. It was stupid; you had to say what was on your mind, if only to garner some support. Both his children told him: ‘It’ll be okay, Papa.’ And he wanted to cry again. His system was collapsing, and it was the best thing that could have happened to him.

67

He went to his office, filled with a new energy. When you rediscover the essence of your life, nothing else can scare you. He wondered why he’d let himself fall into such a spiral of anxiety. Of course he feared losing his job. But was it that important? He’d receive unemployment benefit, and he’d be able to enjoy life a little, to spend time with his family. And it was likely he’d be able to find another job, with his experience. While others had to endure harassment without any possibility of escape, he realised he would be in control of his own fate. His meeting would take place that day, and he was mentally preparing to be dismissed. Surely he would see it in Desjoyaux’s eyes, the gleam of his perversity: the sadistic thrill of extinguishing a man’s last hopes after three days of waiting. Because Patrick was under no illusions; he would soon be packing his belongings into cardboard boxes.