A breath caught in my throat, I pressed the door inward, slowly at first. The hinge creaked, the old wooden boards protesting beneath my feet as I shifted my weight. Allowing the house to announce my entry sent my shoulders hunching upward, but after freezing on the makeshift porch for a moment or two, I made my way inside.

The first thing I noticed was that the cabin consisted of a single room, plumbing on one side, a shelf with non-perishables on the other, and a bed in between.

The second thing I noticed was the body on the floor.

Body. For an instant, I was somewhere else, looking at someone else. I could see long, dark hair. I could see blood pooling on white tile.

I stumbled backward, my hand grappling for the wall and hitting paper. I didn’t turn to see what I was touching. I couldn’t tear my eyes from the floor. Sunlight streamed in from the door and a nearby window, illuminating the shape of the form sprawled there.

Not a woman. Not bleeding.

Gabriel.

I was used to the forest haunting my dreams, used to shades of memory bleeding over into the light of day. But this was different.

This wasn’t the forest.

This wasn’t Girl.

My breath was coming quickly, my heart hammering in my chest as I knelt next to Gabriel’s body. He lay facedown, his head turned to one side. My hand crept toward his face. It was only after I’d felt his breath, warm against my palm, that I realized why I’d reached out.

To make sure he was breathing.

To make sure he was alive.

I could see now, the way his chest rose and fell. He let out another low-pitched moan, and I understood what I should have assumed from the onset—he was sleeping.

How many nights had I spent on the floor instead of pinned down under covers in a bed? How many times had I woken, a strangled cry dying in my throat?

And yet, when I’d seen him lying there, I hadn’t thought that he was sleeping.

I shouldn’t be here.

In the months after Cady had found me, that feeling had been with me constantly. Even once I’d accepted that I was Kira, that I was human, that I was wanted, the white-hot realization that I wouldn’t ever fully belong in this world could hit me in an instant.

Get it together, Kira. Bales had said the day before that Gabriel wouldn’t thank me for having overheard their conversation. I doubted he’d be any more charitable finding me crouched over his sleeping body.