It was difficult to picture Cady—my Cady—trekking through the jungle, facing off against a drug cartel. “You must have gone down there to find something,” I said, my mind reeling. “Or someone.”

“The details of the job don’t matter,” Cady said, which was another way of saying that the details of the job were none of my business. “What matters is that things went south, and if we hadn’t pulled out when we did, we’d all be dead.”

“And Ash?” My grip tightened around the mug in my hands.

“He wasn’t dead when we left.” Cady let out a long, uneven breath. “That’s all I know. Mac and I went back for him as soon as we could, but he was…gone.” Cady’s voice was hoarse. “I would have moved hell and high water to bring Ash home, even if there was nothing to find.”

I tried to imagine what it would have been like if the search for Bella had been a search for Free or Jude. I wouldn’t have stopped.

I couldn’t have stopped.

“My father gave up.” Cady shook, physically shook as she spoke. “Mac gave up.”

“You didn’t,” I said, because I knew Cady.

“I had to.” I could see the muscles in Cady’s throat tensing. She braced her palms against the bed. Ready position. “I was pregnant, Kira.”

I heard my own sharp intake of breath.

“My father didn’t know,” Cady murmured, the words catching. “Neither did Mac. But every time they hammered me for taking risks with my own life, I knew that I was taking risks with his.” She closed her eyes, just for a moment. “So I stopped.”

Cady had given up looking for Ash—for Jude. This was what I’d thrown in her face downstairs.

“I’m sorry,” I said. My voice cracked, and I stalked toward the window. My back to Cady, I stared out into the darkness. “I know that you’re just watching out for me. I know that this situation with Bella—it’s not the same.”

Cady joined me at the window, staring out into the night. We couldn’t see the mountain through the darkness, but I could feel it.

“One to ten?” Cady asked me.

“Eight.” I wouldn’t lie to her, not after the truths she’d just given me. “Girl is back. The flashbacks—I’m handling them.”

“I don’t have to go back out there,” Cady told me. “The search can carry on without me. I can take you home.”

“No,” I said, stepping back from Cady and from the window. My hands shook, and I used the mug to steady them.

Cady had given up the search for Ash for Jude’s sake. I wouldn’t let her give up this one for mine.

Chapter 27