‘And how does it feel,’ Christina said, ‘now that you have been truthful with the men you have been seeing?’

‘Lighter,’ Penny said, sat again in the IKEA-furnished room of her therapist, a tissue in her hands. ‘I was crying a lot before. Like, I would cry if I burnt my hand in the kitchen, which, well, I’m a chef, so that happens all the time and we’re literally trained to withstand it. Or I’d cry at what was on TV, not just the movie or whatever, but the adverts too. Since everything happened I haven’t cried once. I think it’s just …’

‘Go on,’ said Christina.

‘Life can be overwhelming, can’t it?’

‘It can.’

‘And I think I have been really, really overwhelmed. And not very good at asking for help. And feeling bad for needing help, which is a real head-spin. I felt better after talking to you, even that first time.’

‘I’m pleased to hear that,’ Christina said, writing something down on her clipboard.

‘And I did what you asked. I thought about what I want and I’m scared of the answer but more than anything it’s a baby. So.’

‘Yes?’

‘I’ve been talking to my sister.’

‘And how does that make you feel?’

Penny smiled. In theory she could have these conversations with a friend or her uncle, but in reality it was the very fact that Christina had never met any of the people Penny talked about that made it so easy to be honest.

‘It makes me really excited,’ Penny said. ‘Like I am actually taking charge of my future, and that I deserve to.’

‘You do deserve to.’

‘I don’t think I have believed that. I think literally ever since the cancer I’ve let things happen to me. Maybe even before then. Even becoming a chef happened to me. I stumbled into it.’

‘I don’t think that is unusual. Many people prefer to be passive in their happiness because it feels safer.’

‘That’s awful,’ said Penny. ‘I don’t want to be like that.’

‘Well the good news is,’ said Christina, ‘I don’t think you are. Not anymore.’

25

‘I lost my head,’ Penny told Sharon, who’d finally come up overnight to visit. ‘I lost my head because I was bored, and needed a distraction, and now all of my distractions have gone and I’m back. I’m focused.’

‘Focused for what, exactly?’ Sharon said. They were taking a short walk around the village so Sharon could see the area Penny had been living in for the past year. They passed dog-walkers Penny knew and waved through shop windows at the grocers and people in the Post Office. It made Penny proud. She’d made a home out of a place she hadn’t – as everyone in her life knew – been totally sure of.