In theory, maintaining eye contact with somebody for four minutes shouldn’t be hard. Yet Penny found herself wanting to look away after what, ten seconds? Fifteen? Looking at Thomas, Penny became aware of the rise and fall of her chest as she studied his baby blues. She deliberately tried to inhale and exhale more slowly so that she felt more in control of herself. It felt awkward to be seen by him, with nowhere to go and no witty one-liners to detract from herself. She felt sad, too, as the seconds turned over into minutes. How long had it been since she let herself be seen? Did she think she wasn’t worthy of it? Why did she always feel she had to hide? She willed herself to push thoughts of Francesco to one side, because here was Thomas. It was safe to explore how she felt for him because she knew he was leaving. She didn’t have to worry about him going anywhere because she already knew he would, and in a way that was freeing. As she held his gaze and felt him growing harder underneath her she wanted, more than anything, to make love to him there, on the sofa by the fire and with red wine floating through her. And then he was kissing her and peeling off her t-shirt, and pulling a condom from his wallet.

Thomas pushed up inside of her and Penny thrust her hips, forgetting herself, forgetting everything, back and forth, back and forth, pushing and pulling, and then he shuddered, and he’d come, and Penny had not.

‘Shit,’ he said, and Penny replied, ‘It’s okay.’

‘No, I meant shit like wow,’ Thomas clarified, indicating that she should climb off him.

Penny watched him peel off the used condom and throw it into the fire.

‘I don’t think that should have gone in there,’ Penny mused.

‘Ah,’ he supposed. ‘Yeah. You’re right.’ He turned towards her. ‘I had fun tonight,’ he said, and Penny replied, ‘Me too.’

‘Did you come?’ he said.

‘I mean … Thomas … if you have to ask …’ She said it kindly, but it was important to her to say it.

He looked at her. ‘Really?’

Penny gave a tiny shrug.

‘Oh,’ he exclaimed. ‘Well. Let me rectify that.’

He pulled a cushion off the sofa and used it to kneel on. ‘Let’s see what we’ve got here,’ he pondered, as Penny ran her fingers through the back of his hair and closed her eyes.

15

‘Let me put my ears in,’ said Francesco, bellowing down the phone.

Penny stood at her work bench, chopping celery and onions for a soup.

‘I cannot wait to tell you what I did last night.’

Penny scrunched up her face. ‘Do I even want to know?’ she said, flushed at the memory of what she did last night.

‘I went to a Nigel party.’

‘A what?’

‘A Nigel party!’