She thought about Francesco. If she’d never had to come to The Red Panda, would they have stayed together all this time? Penny weighed it up. It was entirely possible that they would still have tortured each other, still caused one another pain. Before she’d met him she was about to start a family, on her own, happily. He’d confused things. Without him, it made her path to parenthood clear. She could go back to the original plan. She was going to do it alone before him – why not do it now he’d gone?

As if on cue, outside on the pavement a mother stopped with her toddler in a pram, another child attached to a board at the back, similar to a skateboard attached width-ways, so he didn’t have to walk. The older child hopped off and bent down to pick something up off the ground, and therein commenced a seemingly rather intense discussion with his mother about something that made Penny understand that the mum was taking it all very seriously, when what was being discussed was undoubtedly not very serious at all. The kid came up to her knees. It was hardly world economic policy they were dissecting. The love in her face was like a punch to the heart for Penny.

A family.

Kids.

She ran a hand over her stomach. It seemed wildly unfair that she’d never know what it was to carry her own child, but at least she had her embryos. She also had a sister who, once upon a time, had offered to help.

Penny wanted it, deeply. In her late teens and early twenties, becoming a parent had never really occurred to her. And when the choice was made for her with the cancer, the early menopause, and having the biological right taken away from her, it had all made her realize how much she did want it.

She looked around the café. Yes, she missed her own. And more that, what she missed was something she hadn’t actually yet known. A child. Motherhood. Babies and toddlers and prams and serious discussions about what had just been picked up off the pavement.

The issue outside of the window was resolved and the little boy hopped back onto the two wheels behind the pram so his mother could keep pushing.

That’s what I want, Penny thought to herself. And I want it now.

Her eyes welled up with the knowledge of it.

Yup, she thought. I really do.

She’d put everything on hold for The Red Panda. For her sick uncle, who had given her everything. She’d done her duty. She’d even had a little excitement on the way – and, of course, a little heartbreak. That was life. But Penny wanted her agency back, now. She wanted to take back control.