“But I feel so bad. It’s like I’m—infected.”

She held up two fingers like a peace sign. “Two things. First thing: yes, you were angry and you hurt Angelica. Second thing: you are allowed to make mistakes. Are you hearing me? You are allowed to make mistakes. And to be forgiven.”

Lizette had forgiven me for taking her root beer.

Angus had forgiven me for pushing him off that chair at Carrie’s party.

Sheila had forgiven me for sending Mission the wedding invitation.

Even Carolyn Shattuck had forgiven me for hitting her on the nose.

“Everyone forgives me,” I told Miriam.

“Everyone but you forgives you.”

I shook my head. I couldn’t talk. I finally understood why Miriam always had a box of tissues on her coffee table.

Miriam said, “There are times when it’s right to be angry, Bea. And there are times when we use anger as a kind of protection from feeling hurt. It’s a way of covering up.”

I sniffed. “Like a pearl?”

“You lost me.”

“A pearl starts with a piece of dirt that gets into the shell. The oyster slimes all over it, to cover it up. That’s what a pearl is.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“Just thinking. What if the oyster didn’t slime all over the dirt? What if it just let the dirt stay there and be dirt?”

“Then the dirt might hurt the oyster.”

“How?”

“I don’t know! I’m not an oyster!”

She laughed. “No. You are much, much better than an oyster.” Then she came over to my couch and hugged me. We were still hugging when Mom knocked on the door and poked her head in.

“Everything okay in here? It’s twenty after!”

Miriam said, “Everything is great.”

We never even opened the gummy bears.

—

That night, Red sat on my bed with me while I did my worrying. He was extra snuggly (especially for Red). I closed my eyes and tried to worry, but for once, I couldn’t think of anything to worry about. Instead, in my mind’s eye, I saw all these bright lines, like lasers or something, connecting me to everyone I knew. There was a line for Mom, and one for Dad, one for Sheila, one for Sonia, and one for Jesse. There were lines for Angus and Lizette and Mr. Home and Miriam and Angelica and James and Jojo and Uncle Frank and Aunt Ess and even Carolyn Shattuck and Dr. Thomas. I could see myself on the bed, with Red right next to me, and there were so many lines shooting out of me that it was like I was a flower or something, opening.

The Wedding

On the morning of Dad and Jesse’s wedding, I woke up early and it was raining, hard. Sonia was on California time, so she was still asleep. But Jesse was already drinking coffee at the kitchen table with Sheila, smiling his face off.