Is this what he’s been planning all along? What if Nina planted a similar seed in him, one that pointed to me being an obvious replacement? No one enjoys feeling duped. Yet, the thought doesn’t sit with what I knew of her or Deborah’s angry outburst (her words hurt, which mean they hit a nerve, however much I try to deny it). Marriage is too drastic an option for mere convenience.

Still, it sends me down a negative mental path, one where I recall all the times Nina could be manipulative, and fresh anger toward her for dying (however mean and irrational) takes hold.

When we park outside the house, we kiss in the car, the most public thing we’ve ever done, despite the fact that no one can really see us. I put my arm around him as we walk toward the front door and reach for him before it properly closes.

“Let’s go upstairs,” he says.

“There’s no one here, no one can see us,” I say.

“I prefer it.”

As I follow him upstairs, I wonder if I’m willing to accept that this may never be the most passionate of relationships or if things will gradually improve over time. I’m thankful that I don’t feel sick anymore, that the worst of it seems to have eased off, so I want to make the most of the afternoon. But Stuart takes his time as I sit on the edge of my bed. He draws the curtains, takes off his jacket, pulls off his shoes. It’s unnerving and off-putting.

“Aren’t you going to get undressed?” he asks me.

“I thought you could help?”

He joins me on the bed. As he runs his hand across my naked stomach, with a hint of a bulge, the sickness returns.

Nina. I can’t get her out of my head.

I sit up.

“Something wrong?”

“Please take off your wedding ring,” I say. “I know it’s a big thing, but...”

He looks distraught.

I sit up, put my dress back on over my head and lock myself in the bathroom. I sit on the edge of the bath.

Outside the bathroom door, it is quiet.

I wait. What did Stuart expect? Yes, our relationship has been on fast-forward, which really is not a bad thing after my relationship breakdown with Ben. People always say, “Things happen for a reason,” usually when events are unfair.

However, in this case, perhaps the statement has a ring of truth to it. I had no control over Ben dumping me. Realistically, by the time I’d weeded out the decent, genuine men from various dating apps, it could’ve taken me years to get to the point of trying for a baby again. Impatience does not make me a bad person. All Stuart and I have done is skipped the insecure uncertainty of the early relationship stage and moved on to the more...settled and realistic, let’s say. It’s all about perspective.

When I emerge, there is no sign that Stuart was ever there. Other than his wedding ring on my bedside table.