However, I will continue to ramble about the wedding because I feel embarrassed by my dramatic revelation at the end of our last session. It was unnecessary. If I’m not ready to talk about my feelings surrounding Charlie’s tragic death and my shattered dreams, then I should leave well alone. I know this. I used to check in on social media for all my hospital and medical appointments, even if I was only having a blood test to check my hormone levels. At the time, I welcomed and enjoyed the attention and speculation. But some (okay, most) people got fed up after a while. Be open about the fact you’d like some sympathy, an online “friend” had messaged, or keep quiet.

“Nina and Stuart went all out with their arrangements. Stuart had lived in England for many years so there were friends and family to include on opposite sides of the world. They had a church ceremony followed by a hotel meal in London. Afterward, a group of us flew to Brisbane for a two-day celebration.”

I describe everything to Christian: the beach (holiday-brochure perfect), the music (jazz—Stuart’s choice), the food (lobster, oysters and giant prawns served in huge bowls of crushed ice). “Nina wanted everyone to be as happy as her.”

“And were you?”

“What?” I say, slightly irritated at the interruption.

“Happy?”

I shrug. “I guess. I was happy for her. Perhaps not so much for me, but I suppose the benefit of Stuart being the type of person he is, I’d already sussed out that he wouldn’t try to come between us.” I pause. “That did make things easier because I was single at the time. I didn’t meet Ben until a few years later on a dating site. I was very upfront about the kind of steady, reliable man I was looking for.”

I smile to show that I’m only half joking and Christian gives a weak one back. Awkward silence threatens to invade what, until now, has been a bearable session, so I talk about what I want to, which is still the wedding.

“I offered to be their photographer, but Nina had wanted me to ‘relax, for once, Marie.’ I still took pictures, and mine were better, I’m not being conceited, they just were, but probably because I knew who and what was best to focus on. I’m at my happiest when I’m behind a camera. I feel like myself. When Stuart and Nina traveled to the Whitsundays for their honeymoon, I hung about for a bit.”

“Hung about for a bit?”

I mentally debate. The truth or not the truth? I had intended to take a trip, to go and explore, but when it came to it, I couldn’t be bothered on my own. This left me at a loose end as I wasn’t due to fly back to the UK for another three days.

I meet Christian halfway.

“It was hard to let go of her. I was so grateful that Nina was my friend, I never thought about myself and how maybe I deserved some input into our friendship, too. I just molded myself to be whatever Nina needed so that she’d let me stick by her side. So, I admit, her whirlwind marriage shook me a little.”