Charlie’s body was eventually found several kilometers away from the area where the boat was kept.

“Yes, of course they wanted to get help. They managed to steer the boat back, but by then they were freezing and in shock. The severity of what had happened dawned on them. They’d effectively stolen the boat, taken ‘drugs’—” Deborah mimes quotation marks “—I don’t know the names for all the different ones nowadays. Back in the day, we hardly came across anything. There was nothing like the variety on offer today.”

“But they might have been able to save him—”

“Nina was adamant that there was absolutely no way. She said that you could just tell, they both could, that he was...gone. There was no one there, they’d got away with it, and so they walked away from the boat. Nina said to me, ‘It was one step at a time, Mum.’ With each footstep she expected a hand on her shoulder from someone but nothing happened. They just...got away with it.”

“I’ve beaten myself up over it for so long. I was so hurt. I loved Charlie. Nina was my friend. I trusted her.”

Deborah’s characteristic defensiveness returns. “It was self-defense. Them or Charlie. He was a strong lad, according to her.”

“Nina and Camilla sat by the pool with me the next day and acted like nothing was wrong. How does anyone do that? It was a horrible feeling. We had to leave not knowing where he was, everyone told me it was normal for people to disappear, especially after a drunken argument. I thought he’d dumped me. People, including Nina and Camilla, implied that he’d probably met someone, or gone on a bender, but no matter what anyone said, there was stupid, naive me thinking it was my fault.”

“Shock. Denial. You name it, there are lots of reasons why she kept quiet. What would you have done if she’d told you, burdened you with the secret? She did you a favor, in a way. She protected you.”

Fresh anger takes hold, but I don’t show it. I don’t want to stop Deborah or make her regret telling me.

“Look, I didn’t agree with what they did. Of course not. If she’d confided in me before the children...earlier... And Charlie, if he’d had parents, siblings or anyone looking for answers...” She stops. Loses momentum. “If, if, if. Excuses, excuses. The truth is that you protect your family, you do what you have to. Not even Leonard knows. I never thought I’d say these words out loud.” She stops and grips my hand, hard. “Don’t let me down, Marie. And please, no matter what, don’t let those children down.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“You were a good friend to her, Marie. Continue to give the children, and your baby when he or she is born, the absolute best of you.”

“Thank you, Deborah, that means everything to me. I am doing my best and I always will.”

“To be honest, it’s a relief to talk about it. Keeping it to myself, it makes me feel rotten.”