‘Maybe,’ Anna replied warily.

And here was the million-dollar question. ‘Do you think there is any possibility you’re doing the same thing with Gayle?’

The silence that followed was taut. Brody could sense her struggling with what he’d said, but he trusted her to see the truth.

‘Maybe,’ she said again. ‘But it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. I still feel what I feel. And I know she won’t apologize to me for her part in the way things are between us, that I’ll have to be the bigger person and take responsibility for it all, and the idea of giving her a free pass just smarts, so at the moment it’s easier to leave things as they are. Gabi has said that maybe it’s a good idea for me to have a break from all the lunches and photo albums, and I’m inclined to agree.’

Brody felt his throat tighten. This was how it started. But to explain fully how dangerous it was just to put things off, to believe the opportunities for healing and reconciliation wouldn’t diminish as time went on, he was going to have to be more specific, and that meant telling Anna things he didn’t want to tell her. Things he didn’t want to tell anyone because he felt too guilty and ashamed.

He ran a hand through his hair and turned and strode further down the lawn into the darkness. He could hear the gurgle of the stream that ran down the boundary at the bottom of his garden. Sometimes, he sensed that Anna had him on a pedestal, that she thought he was wise and sensible and… good. If he told her everything – not just about the state of his life now, but about what happened nine years ago – that pedestal would be smashed and broken. She would never see him in the same way again. Worst case scenario, he could lose her friendship forever. The thought terrified him.

But it would be worth it if he could help her, if he could prevent her from screwing up her relationships with bitterness and misplaced blame, the way he had. He was just working out where to begin when she spoke. ‘And talking of moving on, I had an interesting chat with my mum the other week. I’ve been meaning to mention it. I told her how much our conversations have helped me and she suggested setting up something similar to help other people who’ve lost someone.’

Brody wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or frustrated he had a stay of execution. He’d come back to this later in the conversation. ‘What sort of something?’ he said, frowning. Anna wasn’t going to suggest adding more people into their conversations, was she? He didn’t much like that idea.

‘I’m not sure yet,’ she said, ‘but some way to connect other people so they can talk with each other like we have.’

‘Other people? Talking to each other?’

‘Something like that. I need to get it straight in my head before I get going with it. I’ll keep you posted as I work it all out.’ She paused and took a breath before carrying on. ‘And talking of moving on, on finding healing after loss, there’s another big step I’ve decided to take.’