‘Hi,’ she said on an exhale of air that betrayed her relief at hearing his voice.

‘Hi,’ he said back.

Anna hugged the duvet harder. ‘Do you ever think…’ She paused, willing herself to go on. After what had been said tonight, she really needed to know the answer to this question. ‘Do you ever think it should have been you, not them? That you should have been the one who died instead?’

Brody took a few seconds before he answered, and when he did his voice was hoarse. ‘Yeah… A lot.’

Anna nodded to herself. She’d known he’d get it. ‘I used to think that way all the time. Until tonight, I didn’t realize that I hadn’t so much recently.’

There was silence again, but this time it was thick. Tense. ‘What happened at the party this evening, Anna? I haven’t heard you talk like this for months.’ He sounded concerned, maybe even a little scared.

Anna let her phone drop to the duvet and buried her head in her hands. ‘She said it to me – Gayle. Those exact words: that it should have been me.’ Anna went on to tell him the whole story, finishing with, ‘And the look in her eyes… I know she meant it, Brody, I really do.’

Brody swore softly.

‘And the weirdest thing is that I’m not even sure I can hate her for it. Because she only said what I’ve thought a million times myself. For ages, maybe even years, I wished it had been me. I longed for it, bargained with God for it, but He didn’t take the deal. Is that terrible?’ she asked a little desperately. ‘That I wanted to die? It seems so selfish, so ungrateful…’

Brody’s voice was thick. ‘I think, given the circumstances, feeling like that is entirely understandable. In fact, I’d say far more people feel that way than ever let on. I certainly did. If I could have made that trade, I would have done it in a heartbeat.’

Anna sobbed with relief, and Brody gave her time, listening patiently as she rode the storm, only speaking again when all that was left was a few waves rustling against the shore.

‘You said “wished”, Anna. Past tense. Not “wish”. That’s good… It means you don’t feel that way anymore.’

Anna lifted her head from her hands. Had she said “wished”? She hadn’t even paid attention. She sniffed. ‘You’re right. Most days I don’t. Do… do you?’

Brody pondered that for a moment. ‘Not most days,’ he said, with just a sliver of surprise in his tone. ‘Not anymore.’

They fell silent, but it wasn’t like the silence at the end of the line when Anna had first phoned Spencer’s number after he died, vacant and cold. It was warm and comforting. It breathed.

‘Thank you, Brody.’ Anna lay back on the pillow, suddenly exhausted. ‘Can we do that thing again, where we don’t hang up straight away? While I don’t like saying “goodbye”, I like saying “goodnight”. It’s nice to think of you here beside me.’