They weren’t real. Not this time. But if they had been, would she have recognized me? Would she have remembered meeting me in that dark place?

Would she reach out if she knew where to look?

I hear her voice again, weaving through my mind like a slow poison. I can feel you.

I clamp my hand over my wrist, shutting the voice down, and shudder against the memory.

Annika stands. “I’ll get you another cup of tea.”

“No,” I say, stopping her. “I think I’ll go back to my room and lie down, if you don’t mind.”

She nods. “An Exchange can take a lot out of a person. Especially the first time.”

I find her eyes. Did she have to relive those memories too? I wonder how many times she’s had to watch her girlfriend sacrifice her life for theirs.

“Eliza,” I start, and Annika lifts her chin. “Do you know what happened to her?”

“Perhaps she’s in War. Perhaps she’s already taken the pill. I haven’t seen her since that day.”

“You loved her,” I say, still clutching my chest. “I can feel it.”

“That’s the thing about love,” she offers sadly. “It never really goes away.”

I stare at the floor. I used to think I loved Finn, but this ache in my chest… I’ve never felt anything like it before. I’m not sure I ever want to feel anything like it again.

I stand up, straightening my shirt. “Thanks for the tea. And for showing me everything.”

Annika nods, her brow furrowing. “I hope it’s helped you see.”

She means the reality of Infinity. The importance of this fight. What it could cost us if we lose.

The horrors of Infinity are like roots of a tree, digging deep into the earth. They’re everywhere, even if I can’t always see them. Even if all I see is the beauty above the rot.

I’m not sure complacency is an option anymore. Because I can’t unsee what Annika showed me. I can’t pretend I didn’t feel every moment of her desperation, and heartache, and pain.

I can’t abandon her when I know she needs my help.

If humans don’t have the Colony, they have nothing. I need to protect that somehow. I need to protect the people like Mei, who deserve an afterlife beyond what Ophelia has planned. And if gathering intel on the Residents is the only way to protect our existence, then I’ll do it. I’ll play the part they want me to play—as long as I don’t have to hurt anyone.

Because I’m not sure I’m ready to cross that line.

I’m not sure there’s a way back from it.

“I’ll help you find the information you need,” I say. It’s not everything, but maybe it’s enough.