“I know you hate them. And I know on the surface they deserve to be hated.” I stare at my boots to keep my eyes busy. “But yes, I meant it.”

“How can you say that after everything he’s done?”

“Because I want to believe good conquers evil. That the light side is stronger than the dark.” And because you didn’t see the way he watched the sky, like he was so desperate to see the stars.

Gil’s jaw shifts. “He’s a program. He’s not going to change his mind.”

“I know you don’t want to believe me, but he’s more than that. He has feelings and makes jokes and wonders about things.” I shake my head. “He even tried to protect me at the Dawn Festival, when the explosion went off.”

His body goes rigid beside me. It takes him a moment to speak. “You never told anyone that.”

“I didn’t really know what to make of it at first. Besides, he thought I was a Resident. It wasn’t like he was protecting a human.” I shrug. “But it didn’t seem like something a monster would do. Or a program.”

“You’re being reckless, caring about him this way,” Gil warns. “Because if it gets in the way of the mission—”

“It’s not like that,” I say firmly. “To be honest, I’d be happy if I never had to see him again.”

Gil frowns, and I’m not sure whether he’s surprised or if he doesn’t believe me.

How can I explain myself to him, of all people? How do I make him understand what it’s like being around Caelan?

I feel guilty lying to someone who has been nothing but kind to me. I feel uncomfortable looking into his silver eyes knowing that when they close for the last time, it might be because of me.

I don’t want to hurt Caelan. But if I can’t find a way to make existing together possible…

Naoko wasn’t working on the same kind of timeline as me. There was no Death in Neo Tokyo. No Orb, either.

Humans and Residents both want each other gone, and they’re searching for a way to accomplish just that. All they’re waiting for is the magic button—the last move in the war. At this point, it’s just a matter of who gets there first.

I want to spare Caelan, but I can’t do that if we run out of time.

“Do you really think the Orb exists?” I ask quietly.

Gil leans his head against the rocks. “It’s our only way out of this.” His jaw tenses. “What about you?”

I study the gravel beside me.

And because he can read my thoughts like words on a page, he adds, “Or maybe the better question is whether you want it to be real.”