Who would I be if I let my old life go and truly accepted this new one?

Does the key to real power come with accepting I’m no longer the person I used to be?

He doesn’t say anything for a long time, but when he does, there’s a hint of longing in his voice. “Infinity is supposed to give us all a chance to be who we want to be. We should get to define ourselves and set the rules. We should get a fresh start.” He looks at me seriously. “That feeling you crave—the feeling of belonging somewhere.” He pauses, twisting his mouth. “I understand it.”

“Do you think we’ll ever have it again?”

He’s so still I can’t help but hold my breath. “I hope so,” he says at last.

My eyes sting. I look back at the stars.

I want so desperately to believe he’s right, but it still feels like a trade. My old life for this one.

Being happy makes me feel like I’ve accepted my death. Planning for a future makes me feel like I’m forgetting about my past.

And finding a new family makes me feel like a traitor.

“What you did for Ahmet and Theo—you surprised me,” Gil says suddenly. He’s still staring at the black horizon. “I’ve never known anyone so afraid to fight for themselves but so unafraid to fight for others.”

Our eyes meet. For a moment I think I might find understanding, but there’s something else in his gaze. Something quieter and more reserved.

“Is it such a terrible thing to care?” The ocean breeze carries my voice like a whisper.

“It is in this world,” he says without hesitation. He looks back at the night sky. “But in a different world? In a different war?” I hear the strain in his voice, even as he tries to hide it. “Maybe you could’ve even been the leader we needed.”

Before I get a chance to respond, Ahmet’s vehicle appears with a low rumble, slowing to a stop just a few yards in front of us. When we climb into the back, relief floods Ahmet’s face, but he doesn’t say a word until we’re safely back at the Colony.

The moment we step through the metal doors, he throws his arms around my shoulders and thanks me for saving his life. I hug him back, and when Theo shows up, he throws his arms around both of us and squeezes.

I know they’re not parents or siblings, but maybe it’s okay if they still matter to me.

Maybe I’m okay with mattering to them, too.

The weight of my knife digs into my hip, and I pull away from Theo’s embrace and fetch it from my belt. With a crooked smile, I hand it to him. “This is for you.”