Truman’s anger deflated.

“Can I come in?”

Ash left the door open and drifted over to sit in the corner of the couch. When he settled, Bruce trotted into the room and jumped up to curl on Ash’s feet.

Now that he was here, Truman didn’t know what to say. He wished he could just yell at Ash the way he had at Rayanne.

He wished he could rant at Ash the way he’d ranted at Greta’s plants.

But what came out was a pathetic near-whisper.

“I don’t want to not see you anymore.”

Ash cringed. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is,” he said. His voice was rough, and he didn’t meet Truman’s eyes. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

Despair swept through Truman. “What is so wrong with me?” His voice was loud enough to startle Bruce. “Am I freaking cursed or something? Am I so unlovable that people can just throw me away?” His voice broke, and he sat down where he was, on Ash’s gray-blue rug.

That was how Ash was in his mind too. Up until now, he’d focused on the blue—the calm, free, expansive blue that made him want to close his eyes and drift off under a serene sky or wade into welcoming waters. But now all he saw was the gray. A gray so heavy it could pin you forever to the earth or hold you beneath the waves until you were obliterated.

“God, Truman, no. The opposite. It’s too easy to care about you. Too easy to fall—to feel like you’re a real part of my life. But you’re… You’re leaving, man, and I honest to god can’t take losing anything else right now.”

“What if I didn’t?”

The words came from somewhere deep in Truman, but he realized he meant them when he saw Ash’s eyes light up for a moment. Then the light went out of them.

“You mean like with that guy you were dating at the end of college? No. I don’t want to be one more person you do something for and then wake up in a year thinking how the hell did I end up on this island I don’t even like.”

“I do like it,” Truman said softly.

“You know what I mean.”

And Truman did. That if he stayed, he would be staying for Ash, just as he’d stayed in New Orleans for Tyler.

Only it didn’t feel the same. It didn’t feel the same at all. With Tyler, he’d stayed because he might as well have. He was happy to have the choice made for him. But this wasn’t about having a decision taken off his hands. This was because he wanted to be with Ash.