My words seemed to echo in the room. But when I spoke next my voice was quieter.

Think about what I’m saying, I said. Think deeply about the implications of what I’m saying.

I paused. I waited for her to think.

We have to slow down, I told her. We have invented a whole new form of abuse. We have given men the ultimate power over women. The risks are too great and we cannot monitor them and if we can’t control it then we’ll have to stop.

She was serene. She listened to me. But at the same time I knew she was preparing her reply. Her calmness angered me and I became less eloquent. How could anyone stay calm about this, I thought – how can you not be horrified? How can you not want to be sick? The pouch, my pouch, being used to control women, to abuse women.

Do you think, she said to me, that if we take away the baby pouch this man will stop abusing his wife?

I tried to breathe but I wanted to cry.

Do you imagine, she said to me, that society is going to improve on its own?

I’ve reported him to the police, I said.

And what about all the others?

My eyes were stinging, and now I didn’t want to cry, I wanted to scream.

We are bringing about change, she said to me. This technology, your technology, will bring about change.

It will only be a good change if people don’t abuse it.

That is true of everything, she said.

I began to realise that I had given up my own power. I realised, too late, that I did not control the technology I had invented. I knew that Sylvia would not always be director, but I knew that someone would be. They would always be women – I wrote that into the patent contract, at least I did that much – but they would be FullLife women. They would not share my doubts. I could see already that I had lost that battle. How stupid I was. How ignorant.

But perhaps we are all ignorant, us inventors. That is what we do – we make a physical reality by combining our dreams and our ignorance. Our ambition too.

Still, I didn’t stop trying to get FullLife to slow down.

I didn’t stop vetting every man who applied for the pouch – in fact, I was more determined than ever. I was no longer afraid of trampling on their manicured grass. I created long lists of those who should not be allowed. Some of them got lawyers. Some of them won the right to the pouch. But still I tried to stop them.

I didn’t run away, that’s what I want you to understand.

I didn’t run away.

Not until there was no one left to listen.

Chapter 13