This is for anyone who happens to find it.

They’re making me play.

I don’t want to do it.

They’re calling it a game, but I don’t think it’s anything like that. I have to do what they say and not question it at all. If I don’t, they’ll tell everyone what I’ve done.

It doesn’t matter what I think anymore. I’ve lost all control.

I don’t think this will ever be found. I hid it well enough. Could be that it’ll stay here forever – never being read by another person. That might be apt. It’s not like anyone listened to me before. Why should it change now? Anyway, I wanted to leave something behind, just in case. I have no idea if this will ever be needed, but it’s my security blanket now.

Things have been weird between us for ages. It’s like she never accepted my apology. Like it meant nothing to her.

I didn’t mean for her to take it that seriously. I was doing it to everyone and she deserved the same treatment. All of them treated me like shit and she was no different. Not once did she help me. Not once did she make sure I was okay. She was happy doing her own thing, living her amazing life, while I was drowning. She knew how sad I was and just ignored it. She’s my sister and she didn’t help me at all.

She could have put me first for once. She could have helped me. We could have been friends.

She wasn’t interested in that. It’s all about her. That’s how she’s always been.

I shouldn’t have done it, though.

I shouldn’t have done any of it.

I’m not sorry. Not really. They did worse to me.

And she was the same as them.

But I know what I did to her was the worst.

This isn’t a suicide letter. I would never do that. I just can’t let them win.

That’s why I have to play the game.

Level One was easy enough.

Then it became harder.

Then they wanted blood.

I’m not writing down what I did. Not the thing that is making me play.

I have to prove I’ve learned my lesson. Then, no one will know what I’ve done.

I think she was the one who brought this on me. I can’t be sure, but I heard her say it. The words.

The Game.

She could be the one making me play.

I know after this, I’ll never do anything like it again. This is a fresh start.

A way out without it being the end of everything.

That’s what I’ve always wanted. Another chance at being someone else. A new start.

I can’t trust her. She was never my sister. Not really. We share the same blood, we come from the same place. But she’s never really cared about me.

I used to think she hated me, but it was always worse than that.

She just didn’t care about me in the slightest. Never ever. She didn’t think about me, didn’t even know I was in pain. She felt nothing for me at all. I was just someone who shared a house with her. She never spoke to me about real stuff. About feelings, about our lives. She simply didn’t care one bit about me.

That’s worse than hate. At least with hate, there’s an emotion. People have hated me and I hated them right back.

She’s supposed to be more than that. More than them.

The Voice tries to tell me that I just have to play through The Game, and that’s it. I play the game and it’s all over. We all move on. But the doubt is still there, despite the voice.

Am I The Game?

If she has done this to me, then I will never forgive her. I will spend the rest of my life making sure she never forgets what she did.

She will pay.

She can’t be trusted. It’s all about her.

Uncle Rich thinks I could be “someone”. Reckons I have something about me. Maybe I have.

Maybe that would be enough.

Maybe that would be the end.

I know I did wrong. I know that’s why I have to play The Game. I’ve nearly completed it now. I think I’m close to the final level.

If something goes wrong, I’ll know it was her.

And this will be waiting for me. This proof. That I always knew she would get payback.

I read to escape. It taught me to take chances. Every story has a beginning, a middle and an end. I thought my end would be soon. I thought that I could never survive what has happened to me the last few years.

If she takes hope away from me, I’ll show her what pain is.

This is the beginning of my real story.

The end of The Game. The last time I have to play by their rules. They’ll get rid of all the evidence of what I did, no one will ever find out. People will forget everything I’ve done in the past few weeks and I can go back to normal.

I can get back to my life.

Whatever that is.

Emily Burns.