In fact it was so quiet I got a little worried and risked sneaking another look. Dennis was sitting there, not moving, and from what I could see of Leonard, which was really only a few inches of side profile, he was just standing there. He was staring so intently in Dennis’s direction that for a second or two I wondered if he might have had a ministroke or something. It was clearly off-putting for Dennis as well, because he was the first to break.

“What the hell, Leonard? What are you gawping at? Look, I haven’t got time for this. Request denied, okay? Now piss off and go and finish cleaning the bogs.”

He flicked the holiday leave form back in Leonard’s direction and it slid off the table and wafted down onto the floor. I swear, from that moment, life took its cue and everything else went into slow motion, as well.

Leonard looked down at the leave form lying on the floor and Dennis looked at Leonard. Then Leonard looked up at Dennis who turned and looked over at me. It was clear the jig was up so I gave up hiding and looked at Leonard. Then Leonard bent down to pick up the form, at which point Dennis appeared to lose interest in both of us and started rustling through some papers on his desk.

Then really, really slowly, even slower than the already slow motion, Leonard straightened himself up and at the same time raised his right hand. The one without the holiday leave form in it. I swear my heart stopped and I didn’t need to breathe any more as I watched him uncurl his gnarly old hand at a snail’s pace and elegantly present Dennis with an actual, beautifully executed, in-the-flesh finger. Then he dropped the leave form on the desk, turned heel on his pristine white Nike trainers, gave me a wink and headed straight out the back of the building.

When I dared to look back at Dennis he was still sitting at his desk openmouthed. Even his hair looked shocked. It took a few more seconds before he came to and started scrambling out of his chair, papers, coffee cups and pens shooting every which way as he lunged for the door.

“You’re finished, Leonard, you old buzzard! Do you hear me? You’d better not think you’re coming back here. You just earned yourself a permanent holiday. Nobody gives Dennis Pearl the finger and gets away with it!”

But I could already hear the click and whir of the Austin’s starter motor turning over. By the time Dennis made it out to the car park my hero was long gone. The crowd in my heart went wild.

18

I DEFINITELY FELT bad about Leonard losing his job because of us, but I cheered up when he told me that after he’d left Pearl’s he’d driven straight over to the Age UK office and reported Dennis for workplace bullying. His caseworker had assured him his pension wouldn’t be affected, and that whenever he felt he’d sufficiently recovered from the trauma they’d find him another, more appropriate working environment.