I know Mum gets sad when she thinks about them, though. Granny and Grandad I mean, not Tommy Cooper. Grandad mainly. That’s her dad. Even though he never got as famous as all those other guys like Morecambe and Wise and Dave Allen and Norman Wisdom, I reckon Grandad must have been a really ace comedian, because he got to do loads of shows.

Apart from the photos of him and Granny getting married and having Mum and stuff, all the pictures of him are when he’s dressed up in his best suit standing in front of places like The Slip Inn, The Rose & Crown or the Suffolk YHA, with a big smile on his face and pointing to the name signs like he was about to have the most fun of his life. Which I reckon would have been true.

Mum says I look just like him when I put on his old velvet jacket, and sometimes I hold one of those photos right up next to my face in the mirror to check. I can’t ever really see what Mum sees but I just hope one day I can get as good at comedy as him anyway.

Even though Grandad would definitely have been a cool guy to know in person, he was pretty old when he died, so it’s different to being a kid like Jax and dying when you’re not even twelve yet. Plus Jax was my best friend in real life, not just someone I’ve only seen in a bunch of old photos so it’s not even on the same planet really.

I know it’s selfish to worry about myself when Mum has to look after me and go to work and cook dinners and wash our clothes and pay the electric bill and all that other stuff. But with Jax gone it’s just so hard for me to stop thinking about how I don’t have a best mate anymore. And how much I miss him every single second of every single hour of every single day.

The worst thing is how it feels like there’s always so much room around me now, because I’m used to all the space being taken up by Jax. Now it’s just me. And I’ll tell you something, I think I might be half gone too because when I look in the mirror all I can see is a big red scab with none of the good parts left. I think maybe all the parts of me that were good were actually made of Jax. And I think about that a lot because I’m pretty sure it’s true.

Even though I didn’t take the Five-Year Plan off the wall I decided to stop looking at it, because every time I did it just made me think of Jax. And not in a good way. It was kind of hard not to look at it, though, because of it being so big, and it may as well have had flashing lights around it. Actually Jax did want to put flashing lights around it when we first made it but then we thought about Mum’s electric bill and decided maybe that wasn’t such a good idea.