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Back The Funny Thing About Norman Foreman Save as PDF
Contents ( 68)
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  67. Notes for next year’s Fringe
  68. Acknowledgments

JAX AND NORMAN’S FIVE YEAR PLAN.

Edinburgh Fringe 2024: For One Night Only—Norman and Jax—Teenage Comedy Geniuses!!!

Edinburgh Fringe Festival—Norman Foreman, For One Night Only

Sausages and Gravitas, the Jax Fenton Tribute Show

Steps:

1. Get to the Edinburgh Fringe, baby!

2. Get famous

3. Get rich

1. Look after Mum

2. Find Dad

3. Get to the Edinburgh Fringe

7

Norman

FIRST RULE OF COMEDY:
It’s only funny if someone laughs.

TWELVE’S A HELLUVAN AGE. Or else, it should be, according to Mum. It’s kind of a joke between us now, because when I was five she told me that five was a helluvan age and when I turned six that was also a helluvan age. When seven came around and she reckoned that was a helluvan age too I started thinking, well, this looks like it’s here to stay.

I only twigged something might be up with that when we were in Tilley’s Bakery getting my second eighth-birthday cake. We had to get another one because the first one that Mum made somehow missed out having the butter in it. She could have sworn she put it in, but she sometimes muddles stuff up when she’s cooking. Not that I care, because a lot of the time it ends up even cooler than how it’s supposed to be. Like, once we had paprika-flavored chocolate-and-supposedly-cinnamon biscuits, which Jax reckoned were doubly delicious because first they gave you a sweet, sugary kiss then they turned around and kapow! gave you a paprika punch in the mouth just for fun.

But it doesn’t always turn out that good because without the butter my first eighth-birthday cake tasted a bit like an omelet-flavored dishcloth, or maybe it could have been a dishcloth-flavored omelet. Anyway, I’m pretty sure neither of those are any good, in case you’re thinking of trying them. So Mum chucked it in the bin and said that there was something to be said for letting the experts do their jobs.

When we got to the bakery and Mum said what we were looking for Mr. Tilley leaned over the counter and stuck his face right into mine and went, a birthday cake, is it, eh? So how old are we today then, young man? I always try to make Mr. Tilley talk as much as possible, because when he does all these little puffs of flour explode off the sides of his cheeks and out of his ears and hair from all the baking he does. Even when I don’t actually have anything to say except like, two finger buns please, Mr. Tilley, I try really hard to think of a question as well so he has to talk.

Like, I might say, two finger buns please, Mr. Tilley, and do your buns have a secret ingredient because me and Jax reckon they’re the best in Penzance. Then Mr. Tilley can’t help but start talking about how he uses this special Italian flour and that’s why his buns are the best and why thank you very much, young man. And all those bits of flour go crazy, puffing out and floating all around his head, and it always makes me and Jax laugh really hard. But on the inside mostly, if we can.