“Oh, sorry...of course. Well, it’s near... Quothquan, it’s called. Quothquan. I can spell it for you, shall I? Q. U. O...”

But even as Leonard was painstakingly spelling out the letters I’d opened up my map, turned it over and began tracing my finger around the area immediately surrounding Edinburgh. Leonard had just hit the final N in his spellathon, and nobody was more shocked than me that by then I’d actually found it.

“Okay, Leonard, here it is, I see it on the map. It’s not too far at all, you’re right. You wait there, though. Don’t move. I’ll be there as soon as possible. Okay?”

I knew now was not the time to be asking him if he was of sound mind, but after reassurance from Leonard that yes he was okay, even though no, he didn’t think it was necessary that I come and get him, I managed to extract a promise that he’d wait with the car and not move a muscle until I got there. I hung up and headed into the train station on a fact-finding mission, feeling far less confident than I’d made myself sound on the phone.

But, to my own utter amazement, in under two minutes I was running back out of the station with a timetable in my hand and the wind at my heels, heading for Princes Street and a bus that was due to leave in six minutes. I wouldn’t call myself an athlete by any stretch, but credit where credit’s due, because I skidded to a halt at the bus stop outside Marks & Spencer just as the 101 to Biggar pulled up. And as I climbed on board and took the closest empty seat I distinctly remember thinking that maybe this was going to be easier than I’d anticipated.

Of course, you know that’s never the case.

41

Norman

FIRST RULE OF COMEDY:
Pause for effect.

IT’S FUNNY, BUT even though I was pretty worried about Leonard being missing, I really and truly didn’t feel scared about Mum going off and leaving me on my own at the Soft Fudge. I wasn’t just saying that to make Mum feel okay about it, even though I was doing that, too. And when I say it was funny I don’t mean in a write it on a Post-it note and use it in my show sort of funny. I mean in the I’m not usually a very brave person so it was interesting sort of funny.

Even though I was all alone, when I was sat on the bed in the Caramel Suite with Big Al’s The Big Book of British Comedy Greats and all my Post-it notes and screwed up bits of paper from the Comedy Pot spread around me, trying to make something good out of it all, out of the blue it just felt like Jaxy was there with me, as well. And because there wasn’t anybody else around I thought it might be okay if I had a chat with him. And so I did.