‘Rosie.’ He puts his hands over mine. Leans in. We’re both a bit tipsy, which is why we get that perfect eye contact. Just pause for a moment, and stare. He has nice eyes. I could stare into his eyes for a while; in fact, it’s hard not to. They’ve got little wrinkles at the corners, and they’re a funny grey-blue colour. It’s hard to tell exactly. I lean in a bit closer.

‘Rosie!’ He jiggles my hands and I blink.

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s not the way to do it, Rosie. You deserve better than some creep who’s looking for an easy shag—’

‘They’re not all like that! Lots of people find other people online!’

‘I know, I’m not saying it’s not an idea, but—’

‘Maybe I need to speed date. I mean all the guys are there then, aren’t they? No chance of no-shows, and how bad can it be talking to somebody for ten seconds or whatever you’re allowed before the buzzer? I’m sure I can think of stuff to say for that long! Wow, that’s a brilliant idea, why didn’t I think of it before?’

‘Stop!’ Noah holds a hand up in front of my face, but he’s laughing so much any minute now he could fall off his stool. It makes me giggle back. He makes an effort to pull himself together. ‘Okay, let me get this straight. You just want a first date? You want a doggy for a day that you can send home later?’

I frown at him. ‘Yes, that’s what I said! But a man, not a dog.’ Just to be clear.

‘Not a husband?’

‘Oh my God, no, no. Not yet! I just don’t know how to date. I’ve never had to do it. I need dating practice.’

‘Cool.’

‘Cool?’ I finish off my drink and wonder if another one would be a good idea, or a very bad idea.

‘I have the answer!’ He nods decisively and pulls a funny, excited face.

‘You do?’ I am dubious.

‘I,’ he taps his chest to make sure I understand, ‘am your man.’

‘What? Oh no, no, no, no. You are so not my man!’

‘I am, I am.’ He grabs both my hands again. His are lovely and warm. But that doesn’t matter, he definitely isn’t my man!

‘Listen! I’m brilliant at first dates!’ He lets go of my hands but doesn’t lose eye contact. ‘I’m a serial first dater!’

‘I knew it!’ That slips out unintentionally, but I don’t think he noticed.

‘A total whizz at asking people out! Not so hot on third or fourth dates, or second dates if I’m honest.’ He shrugs self-consciously and looks all boyish and cheeky. I can feel myself getting all hot and bothered.

‘But I don’t want to date you!’

‘Listen, listen, I’m not saying date me, I’m saying I have expertise.’ He taps the side of his nose.

‘But you’re brilliant at dating women, not men!’

‘Thank you.’ He grins and mock bows.