‘Did you say I was funny and clever?’ I frown at him again.

He nods, grins, and I suddenly feel awkward. So I crash on. ‘Anyway,’ I take a deep breath, time to move on to the important stuff, ‘he pissed me off, so while I was eating my sandwich I signed up for Tinder. If it’s that good for dogs, why wouldn’t the human apps be as good?’

‘Does Bea use it to find men as well?’

‘Borrow my doggy?’

‘Tinder!’ He laughs. A deep throaty, makes you feel like you’ve swallowed a whisky, laugh.

‘Oh God, no!’ The idea is hilarious. ‘Bea doesn’t need an app to find a date, she’s ultra-cool, and totally confident. Men just, well, men just,’ I haven’t analysed this before, but thinking about it now, Bea has never needed to think about finding a date because, ‘they just appear out of thin bloody air. They’re everywhere she goes! Or she just sees a guy she fancies and goes up and grabs him! Literally! I mean what if he’s psycho, or doesn’t fancy her, or is married? I don’t know how she does it.’ Actually, some of them have been a bit psycho, well bordering on it, and married. But Bea has just brushed it off and moved on.

‘So Bea hasn’t used an app, but she thought you should? Or it was your idea?’

‘Well yes, well no, we were just messing, I didn’t actually say …’ I didn’t tell her I’d actually done it. I signed up in secret, cos I felt a bit daft, and very embarrassed. ‘I told her I had a date. I didn’t tell her where I’d found him. But lots of people do it! And I mean it is just like BorrowMyDoggy, isn’t it?’

‘Please don’t tell me you used that line on Gabe!’

I decide to ignore that comment. ‘It is totally similar, and it worked for her! It’s brilliant, have you been listening?’ He nods. After a few drinks it seems even more brilliant than it did the first time. ‘I mean, POOF,’ I snap my fingers, ‘Tinder is magic, it’s like ordering a pizza off Just Eat. You just pick what looks good and …’

‘Yeah, you can get laid quicker than you can get a kebab, but do you want a kebab you’ve not actually seen? Or do you want to go in to town, then decide to pop into Krispy Kreme and look them all over and pick the best?’

‘Kebabs? In Krispy Kreme?’ I’m confused.

‘Doughnuts! Whichever food you want!’ He laughs.

‘Or you could go into one of those specialist jerky places, and try them all first!’

He raises an eyebrow. I might have lost him. But I’m very tipsy, and I do love jerky. Oh no, I can’t believe I’m sitting in a bar with a strange man talking about fast food delivery options. And jerky. ‘It’s dried beef! It’s really nice, and not too fattening, not like crisps or chocolate, or …’