I took a deep breath, smoothing down my newly dyed hair as I looked at myself in the mirror. It was silly to care so much about how I looked on Lumin’s first day of school. She’d been the priority, of course; new crisp blouse and pinafore hung up the night before, several painstaking minutes perfecting a plait for her strawberry blonde hair. But as a single mum – the only single mum in the village from what I could gather – I felt extra pressure to look just right when I dropped her off. I’d been warned the school gate could be a minefield and I wanted Lumin to fit right in, which meant I needed to fit right in. Life was easier that way.

‘You look pretty, Mummy.’

I turned to see my beautiful girl standing at the doorway, her book bag clutched nervously in her hands. That intense ache of love I felt for her welled up inside. I pulled her into a hug.

‘So this is it,’ I whispered in her little ear. ‘Your first day at school. I can’t believe how quickly these years have flashed by. It feels like only yesterday I gave birth to you!’

And it really did. Just under five years since my daughter had come kicking and screaming into the world. I’d given birth to her alone in the hospital near my flat in London. I’d hidden away there throughout my pregnancy, avoiding calls and reading all the books Reg had kept there, trying to adjust my mind to the fact that I was going to be a mother. I thought about telling Dylan. But things had ended with such finality between us, and I couldn’t bear the thought of my child feeling rejected by a parent, as I had ultimately been rejected by mine. Plus, he’d said himself he didn’t want children. So it was just me and Lumin against the world, and I vowed I would love her and be there for her no matter what she did.

But sometimes I’d look at Lumin, at her high cheekbones and the way she already towered above her peers in the village, and I’d think of her father, feeling a pinch of regret. I knew deep down inside it was wrong to deprive Dylan of his right to know of his child. But after she was born, with each month and each year that went past, it got more difficult to even consider tracking him down and telling him. Then there was his family to consider, especially his fearsome mother. They’d never forgive me for keeping one of their own from them. I convinced myself that after everything that had passed, the strange atmosphere and the whispered secrets I’d overheard, maybe it was just better Lumin wasn’t part of that anyway.