Over the next week it was hard to dodge my many thoughts about Kael. Austin sent me update pictures of the interior of the empty side of Kael’s duplex at least once a day, and the look of pride on his face made my soul happy. I’d never admit it, but I was starting to look forward to the pictures, sometimes even allowing myself to hope Kael would be in the background of one.

I had gone through the motions of another week, and skipped Tuesday dinner again, which raised questions about birthday festivities for Austin and me. A celebration, orchestrated by Estelle, was the last thing I wanted. I wasn’t going to mention my upcoming birthday to anyone and hoped Austin would take a similar approach or at least not try to involve me in whatever plans he was making.

Each time I sat on my porch after a shift, I wished for the sound of Kael’s truck to rumble onto my street. The sun and the moon changed places, again and again, day after day, and I checked my phone too often, hoping for a word from him, but nothing came. I had told him to leave me alone, so what did I expect? I wondered if I should text or call him, but I couldn’t lose the last little bit of pride I had by reaching out first. It wasn’t that I was playing hard to get, I just didn’t know what the hell to say even if I did. Was he already tired of chasing me? Did I want him to chase me? No, I answered my own question. I wanted him to find me and keep me; that was the problem. Life was just complicated now.

I was booked to work most of the day and evening. I welcomed the distraction and the Sriracha noodles that Mali brought for me and Elodie. Elodie kept hiccupping, claiming the noodles weren’t too spicy as her nose ran and her eyes watered. After her shift she was going to an FRG meeting and a weekend cookout; I was glad that she was keeping busy lately, especially since she wasn’t hearing from Phillip enough.

The first appointment of my shift was Stewart, and I was so relieved to find her already checked in by Mali and lying facedown, asleep, on the treatment bed when I entered the room. Without having to make conversation, my thoughts roamed back to Kael. What was he doing right now? How was his discharge going, or did he lose it because of the incident with my brother? The thought made me feel sick.