Then I felt guilty. It wasn’t the poet’s fault that my first real connection with someone was so short-lived I stepped down off the porch to retrieve the book, digging my hand into the stringy weeds that surrounded the concrete slab. They were too long, too unmanageable; unpredictable vegetation was overgrowing my yard. This little house was what it was. I knew what I was getting when I signed on the dotted line for the basically abandoned house at the end of a commercial strip. It was the only thing in my life that wasn’t going to turn out to be something that it wasn’t.

I began to pull at the weeds in the yard. They were everywhere, the more I looked. I needed a distraction and had the rest of the day to do as I pleased. Minutes went by and I moved on from the weeds to sweep the gravel back into my driveway. I had decided to ignore this week’s Tuesday family dinner obligation. No way was I going to deal with that.

At first, I thought the dark blue Bronco pulling up to my house was a mirage. The sun was already setting and I seemed to have lost track of time. My mind was obviously playing tricks on me. I stood up and stared, watching unwaveringly as Kael parked in front of my house in his usual spot.

When he got out of his truck, it dawned on me that he was at my house for the first time since the blowout with my dad. I had so much to say, but couldn’t think of anything that would help the pain I felt in my bones.

“Karina.” His voice danced around me, almost hypnotizing me.

I opened my mouth to speak and heard my dad’s voice in my head, followed by Kael’s, then my dad’s again. I couldn’t sort out my own thoughts, and I still couldn’t make sense of everything that they had said, even though I had replayed it over and over in my mind. I realized that I wasn’t prepared to face Kael. Not tonight. I needed at least one hundred hours to mentally prepare to see him.

“For so many reasons, you can’t be here,” I told him just as he reached the grass. My back hurt as I stood there with one hand on my hip and one blocking my eyes from the blazing sun that had nearly set. Why was the sun so bright? Even nature was taunting me at this point.

He stopped and looked at me, seeming uncertain what to do next. Still too close. He held out my laptop with an extended arm and I quickly grabbed it from him. The last bit of me that he could have was now back in my hands.

“Karina, can’t we talk? I just want to explain myself,” he pleaded.